Rufus and Lardhead

Due to the more serious nature of my last few posts, I have decided to lighten the mood a little. The following stories were composed by me and several other people during a long car ride, in which each person says one word at a time as we go around the circle. I wrote them down in my notebook as they were being told, which I am copying directly from now. (I have corrected all the spelling errors.)

I apologize for the many things that don't make sense in these short stories. I also would like to warn you ahead of time that you should probably not read these if you have a queasy stomach. It gets worse as you go, believe it or not.


Behold:

The Tragedy of the Bulimic Toad
Once there was a toad named Rufus. Rufus had 17 and a half hamburgers. He ran to the grocery and bought some buns. Rufus was sick and tired of eating hamburgers and decided to barf up them all. Puking his guts out was a trend that he liked to participate in. Throwing up beans was Rufus's past time for most of his life. When he was crying he passed out. Dying with his disease was often smelly. His death was obvious to people but he didn't live. Instead Rufus died. Squished by a truck full of watermelons.

The Ugly Little Smells of Lardhead
Lardhead was quite a fat princess. She really desired fat cows and hated all skinny crickets. One day fate handed her a magic cricket that was so skinny that fat clouds came home. He melted away when Lardhead sat on him. She regretted ever eating smelly eggs and she smelled awful. Frequently the princess drooled all over lap. Nasty little droplets of saliva sloshed all down her leg rolls. Jiminy Cricket showed up drunk and stoned which was normal however appalling he appeared. Lardhead sat cross-legged on Jiminy Cricket and squeezed out his intestines along the back of his butt. Which smelled distasteful but delicious. Children might understand someday why he smelled so wretched yet he appeared normal.



You're welcome.

...God bless.