P.S. I promise the content of my message is related to the title of this post. I'm not promising you'll see the connection, but it's there. Just read it.
From: Maryann <bennettmk@earthlink.net>Date: June 5, 2011 12:41:13 PMTo: ------------ <---------@--------->Subject: Re: Hey! :)
Hey ---------,God really spoke to me at church this morning and I have been doing a lot of thinking. I think you were definitely right to say I was obsessing over ----, you're absolutely right, I was really good about it for awhile while I was at school, but I think being home and being near him kind of brought it all back, all that heartache and everything. It's kind of strange, because I know I was kind of obsessed with him, or the relationship at least, while I was dating him, and I had thought I had learned my lesson, little did I know that I could just as easily obsess over someone I'm NOT with... thank you very much for opening my eyes to that.So yeah with the songs and the sermon and prayers and everything this morning, I guess God really opened my eyes to a lot this morning, I am a really terrible sinful person, but Jesus loves and wants me anyway...I just thought of the funniest little analogy, haha, Jesus is like a little boy, and we are all like toys at an antique shop or something, we're all these old used, broken toys, but little boy Jesus wants us anyway, he wants to take us home and fix us and make us new again. Most little boys only want new toys that work perfectly but Jesus wants the broken ones, and the truth is, all of us are broken...So, I don't know, I guess it's hard to really come to any solid conclusions of what I'm going to do next, you know, I think I really need to just embrace being single and use it as an opportunity to really love and serve Jesus better, you know? Being in a romantic relationship is SO distracting, especially for me, I am so terrible about it, maybe it all stems from my early start with getting boyfriends and things, I have been boy-crazy my whole life and it broke me, I'm that broken toy who can't keep her focus on Jesus because she's constantly worried about some guy, and if I never heal from that, well, it would probably be better if I remained single forever. Hopefully I will heal eventually though, and keep a balance and harmony between a man and Jesus, because romance is a very spiritual thing, and frankly, a relationship with Jesus is very much a romance, but I need to just accept that that healing is probably years and years away. I think what God wants me to do is just consider myself single until further notice, until he brings a man into my life and makes it clear that he's the one or that he wants us to date... that might be years away so I should probably just forget about ----, but also not be "looking" for anyone, you know? Frankly, I am not emotionally stable enough to handle a relationship with anyone right now, wow that is hard to admit but it's true.So basically I guess I just wanted to say, thanks for your honesty, that's a real friend that'll do that. As for that song you sent me, Chances, well I don't believe in coincidences, and sometimes chances mean the same thing, I guess rather than saying, well, we never know, it's better and more accurate to say, well, we don't know, but God does so we should trust in him. God knows what he's doing in my life and even though my future seems more ambiguous than it's ever been, I know that it'll get here eventually some way or another and that if I just focus on loving Jesus, I won't really have anything to worry about. Thanks for helping me see thatI love you a lot, have a wonderful dayGod bless-Maryann
The font on this one is weird... :/
ReplyDelete