I was in my room studying for what I knew would be a difficult exam a couple weeks ago. The class is Audio Electronics, and, while it comes quite easily and naturally to some of the other students in my class, I struggle more in that class than any other class since Music Lit. This would be the second test of the semester in this class, and I was very grumpy about having to study for it and take it in the morning.
Less than a week prior, I had scheduled for classes for spring semester. For those of you that don't know, I'm a double major in Psychology and B.A. Music. My schedule was full of music classes, and a few psychology classes that seemed almost "on the side." Music has always forced itself onto the front burner of my college career because that department is so intense at my school, even though my particular major is considered a "light load." But my biggest passion is, and has been since I began my higher education, psychology. I was frustrated before I even began that I couldn't focus on it more because the music was so all-consuming. I thought it would get better, but it didn't.
In high school, I loved music. I joined everything I could involving music, and I was good. I wasn't the best by any means, but I was good. But when I got to college, I came to a tragic realization: I wasn't praising God in my music. I was just doing it for fun, for me. I never even intended to make a career out of it. I was a music major for the sheer pleasure of playing music, yet I got no pleasure in it anymore, no deeper fulfillment, and gave no glory to God.
I thought this was a problem with my heart, so I prayed about it this year, because as 1 Corinthians 10:31 says, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." I got a little better at it, but not much. I still didn't ever want to practice or even care about the music classes I was in. But maybe the issue wasn't in my heart, but in what I was doing. Maybe I wasn't supposed to be in music at all.
All these thoughts came to me as I was studying for this audio electronics exam. I thought, I can't do this anymore. I need to be done. It's way past time for a switch. After all, I was already through two and a half years of school.
After talking to several close, Godly friends, as well as a couple professors, and my mom, I knew I needed to at least look into actually dropping my major.
I found out it would cost me $14,000 in scholarship money per year.
Meanwhile, I was trying to figure out where God wanted me to go. I was feeling called to attend a Christian conference over Christmas break, which costs a little less than $200, to go to an abroad spring break mission trip, about $1700, and a summer-long mission trip on the other side of the country, about $1850. Although I knew I would be relying on mostly fundraising for these things, I still had some anxiety over it. I felt called to go, but held back by the funds.
I told a few people about this, and they said that I should trust God and he will provide the money. Hmmm, I just wasn't sure about that. I have gotten good at trusting God with more abstract things, like relationships, my "future," his "plan for my life," even things like talking to people that I didn't initially want to reach out to. But trust him with something as concrete as money? I have never had to do that before and didn't know if he would do it, at least for me. Of course I have seen it happen in the Bible, and even in the lives of people I know, but I have always have everything I need and I was used to just having it without needing to ask for it. I have never had to trust. I have tried to be grateful for the things I have, but trusting God to provide those things is different.
But he gave me a well-paying job a month or so ago, which was something I had asked him for, and he provided it. In the past he has provided something as concrete as a roommate when I needed one. I knew what I needed to do, and that was to trust God to somehow, some way, provide the money that I needed to do what I thought he was calling me to do. I decided to apply for the mission trips, register for the conference, and, gulp, drop my major.
"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power..." 2 Timothy 1:7
Lo and behold, a few days after I made this decision, Mom called me with the amazing news that, although I would lose my music scholarships, I would also get back the academic scholarships that I lost at the very beginning of my college (since they were replaced by music scholarships), resulting in a loss of only about $500 a semester. In addition, not being a music major also meant I won't have to take any more lessons, which cost almost $500 per semester in addition to my regular tuition. It comes out almost even, an awful lot better than a loss of $14,000 a year.
It was the concrete relief I needed. Two days later I got all the papers signed to drop my music major and changed my spring semester schedule. I even had enough room in the time I have left in school to add a second minor, so I picked up a creative writing, which I'm pretty excited about.
As for everything else (my trips), I know that God will provide the money through fundraising or other means and that I shouldn't be afraid to pursue those dreams and answer that calling.
It's really nice to finally be pursuing something that I'm good at, that I love, and that I think will bring glory to my God. I plan to live a life worthy of the calling I have received (Ephesians 4:1).
God bless.
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