Three years ago I thought about taking some kind of vow of silence for lent or for some shorter length of time for the purpose of focusing on more selfless listening. This weekend I got to experience what that might have been like had I gone through with it, because I lost my voice worse than I've ever lost it before.
I've been sick for the last week, and I pretty much just woke up one morning, got out of bed, had a coughing fit, and like that my voice was gone.
When instructed by a couple nurses at a minute clinic that I should just shut up completely, I decided to heed their advice.
The actual being silent bit wasn't so bad. The many awkward moments were.
Although I decided that this would be a good opportunity to practice being a "listener," I quickly realized that people have a hard time conversing with you when you don't verbally respond. I realized that the best way to listen is to engage in conversation, because when you say nothing, even if you look engaged (i.e. eye contact, nodding, etc.), once a person has said what they intended to say, they don't know where to go after that until you've put in at least your two cents. Conversation is an essential element to actively listening. I turned to writing on a pad of paper and trying to use sign language, but it wasn't remotely the same.
I also realized that it feels really creepy in group contexts to just watch people and not say anything to anyone. People notice you staring. And not singing in church is also super awkward.
So, although James 1:19 says to be slow to speak and quick to listen, it doesn't say not to speak. I didn't have a choice this time around, really, but I'm glad I experienced it... and learned my lesson.
Still, it was nice to spend that time just in my head, taking in the world around me and keeping my thoughts a secret. Hopefully I'll take a bit of "lost voice" with me.
God bless.
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