Be Still

This blog post is dedicated exclusively to God (the great I Am, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and the one associated with/in cahoots with Jesus Christ).


Stress about boys... it's something every girl has to go through at some point. And it's never fun. But it has to happen.

I don't know what it is about me that makes me attractive or whatever it is guys like so much about me, but I have no romantic interest in 75% of the guys that express romantic interest in me. Which is really saying something because I get a lot of crushes. Well, at least I used to, when I was approximately 12-15 years old. I'm finally sort of normal about that. But that's not the point. The point is that for no reason apparent to me, guys get crushes on me.

And saying no is hard. Because even though you don't like them like them, you still like them. So you don't want to break their earnest little hearts.

See? I'm being silly about a topic that has actually been weighing heavily on my heart. Yay!

Not to mention, the guy I do care about dearly... well, there's drama. You know. It happens. Not going into detail.

So, there's your vague background for this post. Here's what happened this weekend/just now.

I worked for my summer camp at a church retreat for middle schoolers. Basically for this particular event: go in Friday night, have a brief reunion with old summer staff friends, kids come for a few hours, they leave. Have slumber party where you watch "Cool Runnings" in the church basement. Kids come back Saturday, you lead Bible study, games, etc., kids leave, the end.

The Bible study curriculum, which I was seeing for the first time this weekend, was all about PRAYER. Hopefully we drilled it into these kids' heads enough* that PRAYER IS GOOD ALWAYS. And other various facts, such as: prayer can take on different forms, God always answers prayer (even if the answer is not always yes), prayer is a two-way conversation, prayer can be about pretty much anything, prayer is the communication part of an important relationship with God, etc.

*I do not mean we brain-washed children, as these facts about prayer are TRUE (or at least essentially, seeing as how I paraphrased them.) If you disagree, don't bother arguing because these is my blog and it reflects my thoughts and you can just deal with that. I love you though, readers.

Middle schoolers don't always grasp that prayer is a two-way conversation; not only do we talk to God, but God talks back. And frankly, college students like me can't really fully grasp that concept either. Although I fully commend my parents' methods of teaching me how to pray and appreciate and benefit from their efforts, I wasn't really raised on the idea of "listening" to God. It's only been introduced to me in the last couple of years.

I had a good, enjoyable time this weekend. Getting to relive talking to kids about Jesus was beautiful, and so was singing the old familiar songs and seeing old friends (especially KJ and Kaitlyn since it's been a long time for them for me.) It was a nice escape. I didn't even have internet.

As soon as camp ended this afternoon, I had to go to my actual job at the pizza place (I drive stalkers crazy when I'm vague like that), so I found an Arby's drive-through and spent the 20 minutes before I had to clock in eating roast beef and curly fries in my car. I was sitting there eating, and my mind was wandering back to real life at school with the stresses, drama, etc. I had there, and completely out of the blue, I started to sob. I had to force myself to keep eating. It was so weird. I was fine all through work after that and for the drive home, but when I got back to my dorm room, it hit me again and forth came the waterworks. In the midst of my tearful despair, I pencilled a letter to God, expressing my concern, my overwhelming loneliness, my cluelessness at what to do, my longing, my love. He listened quite patiently, I believe.

A brief phone and texting conversation later (each with different people), the clock struck 9 p.m. Now, my college has bells that chime on the hour (you know, that old grandfather clock tune), and then it tolls out a hymn for everyone on campus and beyond to hear. The hymns change every hour, and from day to day, but I can always depend on 9 p.m. being "Be Still My Soul". No matter the season or the day, that's the only hymn that is regularly played. (Unless there's like a 4 a.m. one that's always played that I have no awareness of...)

Moved by the title of the hymn (about the only part I know by memory), I looked up the lyrics online. I was still crying so I couldn't really sing along, but I whispered the words in time and heard the melody in my head (even when the clock bells stopped playing). Verses one and three in particular stuck out to me:

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.


Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fulness all He takes away.


Then, right after that, I saw a facebook message with a Youtube link to a brand new song (which you should purchase at your local iTunes shoppe) called "Be Still" by The Fray:

Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know that I am here
Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still, be still, and know

When darkness comes upon you
And colors you with fear and shame
Be still and know that I'm with you
And I will say your name

If terror falls upon your bed
And sleep no longer comes
Remember all the words I said
Be still, be still, and know

And when you go through the valley
And the shadow comes down from the hill
If morning never comes to be
Be still, be still, be still

If you forget the way to go
And lose where you came from
If no one is standing beside you
Be still and know I am

Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know I am


It was like God himself was singing this to me.

That's when it hit me: God was answering. At the exact right moment, right after I had prayed to him in desperation (be aware that this goes much deeper than having to tell a few boys I don't like them...I just don't want to tell you all the personal details of my life), he answered me with calming words and beautiful music.

Let me repeat that: God talked back. I believe it wholeheartedly and am comforted greatly. I just need to be still (as both songs strongly emphasize) and trust in him. He knows what he's doing.

As I said on Twitter shortly before starting this blog post,
"God ≈ Horton the Elephant... Faithful 100%"

And that is how God taught me, once again, the same thing I was teaching a bunch of seventh graders only earlier today. I love him.


God bless.