But I see young women (girls, really) posting things like this all the time:
Yeah, because there is a formula for true love, don't you know?
Is that so?
Because if a guy can't read your mind, he's basically as worthless as your communication skills.
Frankly, these girls will probably get over their weird expectations as they mature (hopefully). But my problem with this is more that they profess there is one right way to date.
In my experience, many Christian men and women alike, have this problem. They think they've "figured it out" (even though God's will can't/shouldn't be boxed like that).
There are two main mindsets that Christians have on dating: The first is the anti-dating mindset. Now, these people aren't entirely anti-dating, but if you're going to date somebody, you better darn-well know they're your future spouse before you do. Why? Because God has someone picked out for you, is in control, and cares about this area of your life and we would be remiss if we submitted to our cultural norms instead of insisting on being "set apart" in this way. I see this, for example, in the book I just read, Sacred Singleness, and in music lyrics that proclaim, "No more dating, I'm just waiting. Like Sleeping Beauty, my prince will come for me."
The other mindset is the pro-dating mindset. There's a book out there (which I admittedly have not read, but have read many online articles about dating by the same author) called True Love Dates. The idea here is that the "anti-dating" dating world is a minefield and therefore we should reject it and not make it such a bizarre jeopardy. They say, "Why can't we just date?"and encourage young singles to get out there and get coffee with each other and ask each other on dates with no strings attached. Just getting to know each other and see where it leads. Why? Because there is no such thing as soul-mates and God allows us to make our own decisions as mature, adult Christians.
I disagree with both mindsets, not because I believe either side is inherently wrong, but because I just don't think there's one strict cookie-cutter way for people to do things like this.
There are some (like me) that date around, make mistakes, and learn lessons. I made a decision this summer to stop pursuing men, as I have sinned in this way in the past.
There are others that are overly cautious and have never dated and refuse to date because they simply haven't found "the one." These people will hopefully come to the conclusion that they need to loosen up a little and realize that it's okay for relationships to come and go. If you think you have found "the one," it's also really not the end of the world if you and that person eventually break up (which I also have experienced).
The thing is, not only does every relationship look different, but every healthy relationship looks different.
Another thing that I've noticed women talking about is the standard that guys should always be clear with where they're at in the relationship and not leave women wondering. This pops up a lot in both Christian and "secular" dating literature. I've heard things said like, "If you have to DTR (define the relationship), then there's a problem because there should never be any question about where either of you stand." But to claim that the need for a DTR is a sign of poor communication is to deny that the essence of a DTR is communication!
I hear people say that a guy should be upfront and ask women on dates instead of having a misty "hanging out" period that leaves girls wondering. He should bring her flowers and she should not think it's creepy or too forward.
There is a ton of criticism for the "steps" people have in this culture's dating world. First you're "hanging out." Then you're "talking." Then you profess that you like each other (maybe). Then you're "dating but not really." Then you're "officially dating." Then you're "getting serious." Then you're "talking about marriage." Then you're "waiting for him to pop the question." Then you're engaged. Then you're married. Phew!
Then again... so what? Why does that need to be criticized? It's a lot to keep track of, maybe, but is there really a problem here? On the other hand, does it really matter if a couple decides to deviate from this standard progression? My grandparents met on a blind date and were engaged six weeks later. Why does there have to be a "right way"?
Here is what I am currently learning: Transitional periods are okay. Gray area is okay. Dating is okay, and refraining from dating is okay. Lack of communication is not okay. Being overly communicative is not okay (if anyone wants to know what I mean by that, ask me and I will write you a whole 'nother blog post about it...). There are many wrong ways to date, but there are also many right ways to date.
God bless.
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