Pseudo-life

Rarely do I talk about my own life on this blog, but I feel like this week has been so quiet and bizarre that it's worth semi-briefly noting.

I moved into my very first big-girl place: a duplex only a few blocks away from where I went to college. It's a charming little house with three floors plus a basement, twisting staircases, and a nice front porch. The third floor was recently renovated by our landlord and still smells like fresh, light yellow paint. It feels strange filling its rooms with my own junk.

Basically, this week has consisted of gathering all my junk that I've accumulated in the last 20+ years of living, packing it all into two vehicles, and then trying to unpack it all again. The unpacking part has been a slow process. I still have bags of who-knows-what on my bedroom floor. At least half the battle is simply figuring out where I want to put it all. You all have moved before. You know.

Then there's been the job-searching. So far I have had one interview and have another one scheduled for Monday. I've been applying online for jobs that I know little to nothing about. Upload resume, submit. Upload resume, submit. I'm hoping I'll soon be able to confidently pay my bills.

Figuring out how to be a grown-up really isn't that hard. I've been weaned into it pretty well. Although I lived in dorm rooms for all four years of college, I figured out how to take care of myself and make my own schedule. The last two summers I have lived in an apartment in Alaska, where I was there short-term and only brought a suitcase's and a backpack's worth of stuff with me (and thus didn't have to "settle in"), but I still learned how to grocery shop, feed myself, and spontaneously clean as opposed to needing to be told by my parents.

And now, here I am. Not much different except now I have to find a full-time job instead of going to class, and I have to be financially independent. Not that hard, right? I'm only a few days in, so we'll see. Grown-up life should be a cinch.

But the social situation has also been weird. As of right now, my roommates and I are on radically different schedules, so I rarely see the one, and the other is out of town for a month. Fortunately I'm friends with my next-door neighbors, and Amy lives just a few blocks away, but I'm still alone the majority of the time, which I'm not used to anymore.

So I've been lonely and bored. I'll organize while listening to music upstairs in my attic/bedroom. I'll sit on the couch and apply for jobs online. I'll go grocery shopping, but that only takes like an hour. I'll eat at random times instead of having real meals. I've finished a book and started another. I've spent a lot of time on Pinterest. (Like, a lot.) I've daydreamed.

I've racked my brain for people I could hang out with without sounding like a needy attention-hog. I've Facebooked and texted to get my social needs met. Whenever my roommate's path has crossed mine, I've followed her around pathetically, trying awkwardly and desperately to make conversation, when all she wants to do is have some alone time after work.

So, life feels kind of bizarre for me right now. Transition is weird. But I have an interview on Monday, so. Maybe real grown-up life will ensue soon. Right now I think I'm still in the pseudo-stages. The unending weekend where I still have to be productive.

Thanks for reading.


God bless.