Every now and then, but not frequently, I want to run away.
It's not that I'm dissatisfied with my life... well, not really anyway.
It's just that I'm bored. I've never had a ridiculously traumatic experience or am living a terrible life. I just sort of feel like I'm living a boring, predictable life. And I should find great comfort in that. In fact, I usually do. Things could be so much worse for me. But sometimes, that is, once in a blue moon, it's not enough and I hunger for more.
Right now is one of those moments.
Several people at church asked me tonight what I had going this week that I was excited for, or looking forward to, or that I could use prayer for-- and I had no real answer to give them. On the chalkboard section of the wall in the bathroom (at said church), someone had written, "What are you waiting for?" I didn't know. I was waiting for nothing. So I wrote, "Something to happen." I wasn't trying to be melodramatic; I was trying to be honest.
So I came home and I have been sitting in my room staring into space for 20 minutes while Amy does Bible homework, and thinking about what the heck my problem is.
I still can't say what that problem is, but the ingenious solution I came up with was running away.
So goodbye everyone, I'm going to Brazil or India or possibly the deepest, most remote part of Africa, and I am going to learn another culture and become someone different instead of merely the person I have learned to be. I am going to take God with me (of course, because I take him everywhere with me, he is my beloved constant companion), and we are going to experience something other than Ohio where I drive a car and eat food that is given to me on a plastic plate with silverware and napkins. I am going to see an incredible animal and hear and play new music and dance boldly with all my might around a fire at night under starlight and eat my meal sitting on the ground with no shoes on. I want to communicate with someone through laughter alone, someone whose language I do not know (yet).
Also I am going someplace warm because I am grumpy that winter is impending here.
I will miss everyone terribly and I will write you all letters and hope to receive a reply but I do not know when I will see you again... here, there, or in the air, I guess.
...What does God want of/for me?? Why do I feel this restlessness?
God bless.
You're waiting on an opportunity. Things happen when you least expect them. Instead of walking the same path to and from classes, take the long route or stop at a coffee shop along the way. When you change your routine, not only will life be slightly less boring because you have to pay more attention, but, because you're paying more attention, you might meet someone knew or experience a new event. You could learn something from just walking a block in the other direction.
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