Something that kind of makes me laugh, kind of makes me sad, is the girls who are constantly on a boy-hunt. They're constantly scouting out guys who are cute and fantasizing about a romance with them if they meet their criteria on the attractive scale.
Guys probably do this too, for girls.
Two things that I came to realize sometime in high school were:
Adults are people, too.
Guys are people, too.
Crazy, right?
If you're patient enough, not only with a guy, but with anyone, you'll find that everyone has a deeper side to them, a real, authentic aspect to them just waiting to be discovered. The class clown? Yeah, he can be serious too. He even has a lot of strong emotions. The shy girl in the corner? Something is actually going through her mind. She might even be thinking about you. The old man who always seems so absent-minded? He's led a long life and probably has a lot of stories to tell that you, yes you, can relate to. Surprised? Don't be. It's reality.
It's more than people just having a personality. It's people having a soul.
Now we come to the bit about empathy. You have to admit that there's a lot going on in people's lives that no one knows about. Almost no one knew that when I came back to school after Christmas break, I was heartbroken, depressed, and incredibly lonely. Almost no one. Most people probably looked at me and said, oh, that's just Maryann again, back for another semester. Now that it's in the past, it's not very hard to admit, but when it was happening it was too hard to talk about. Putting on a fake smile and forcing myself to try and finally make friends, as hard as it was, was the only thing I could do. None of those new friends knew.
After a recent experience that caused me to really think, it started sinking in that anyone I look at may or may not be dealing with some very serious problems. Addictions, mental or emotional disorders, family problems, grief, heartbreak, abuse.... the list is pretty much endless. Maybe they're fine, maybe they're not. You could be looking into the face of your closest friend every day and not realize that they're afraid to go home over break or the weekend, or they're afraid to be alone because they know what they'll do to themselves. You really don't know. You could pass a person every day and be blind to their life. You may think you know, you may assume you understand them, but do you? Do you really know? Absolutely not.
I'm extremely blessed because I feel like God gave me something strange that lets people want to talk to me. People I may know well, or not very well at all, have told me the deepest parts of themselves that no one in their family or any of their friends knows about. They've said, wow, I never told anyone that before. What is it about me that people feel they can open up to me? I have absolutely no idea, but it means a lot to me, that people can see that I'm a trustworthy person. That I will indeed listen to you and pray for you, and do for you anything else you need.
I suppose it comes from love, which comes from Jesus. I don't really feel bad about saying I have a lot of love in me, because whilst that may sound conceited, it's not really my own love I'm claiming to have. It's Jesus'. I highly doubt I would be a very loving person at all if he were not my life.
I apologize for going off on this tangent, folks. What my point boils down to is this: people are worth getting to know. If you're willing to love them, accept them with open arms, keep their secrets, pray for them, they will know they can come to you. Do not do it so that they will come to you so that you can feel like a good, kind person. This is a very selfish thing to do. Do it so that they have someone they can open up to. If not you, who else? Do it for them. Do it out of genuine love. Love them because you love them. Love them because you were first loved. Love love love love love. Everyone's a person too. Everyone has a soul. Everyone needs love. Everyone.
God bless.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Weekend at Camp
I spent most of this past weekend at Lutheran Memorial Camp. Saturday was probably the best day of my life ever.
I woke up precisely at 5:00 a.m. Saturday morning, made oatmeal, packed, and Patrick faithfully came to pick me up. It was still really dark outside, but we had a really good conversation. Talking to him is like eating a brand new flavor of ice cream. You know something in it will catch your interest and you'll say, "oh, what a curious flavor!" and it will be splendidly tasty and you'll want to eat every last bit of it.
When we first got there, the sun was just barely beginning to rise, and the air was cool, and the many birds were singing, and the earth smelled fresh. Getting out of stuffy Columbus and stepping into the-middle-of-nowhere nature was, both literally and figuratively, a breath of fresh air.
The retreat was a confirmation retreat for middle schoolers. There were somewhere between 150-200 people there for the retreat. (That's a lot.)
I went through the day helping out with worship and co-leading a bible study. All those kids are so special, but one in particular really stuck out to me. I'm not sure if this is the correct spelling, but her name was Michaela. Now that I think about it, theres roughly a thousand different ways to spell that name. Oh well. Anyway, Michaela stood out because of her height. She was significantly shorter than everyone else. She looked much younger than she was because of it. She was also a little overweight. I found out later that she had a disorder that was keeping her from producing a certain growth hormone that normal people use to get taller. This is also what caused her to weigh a little more. Most of her excess weight was just water storage under the skin. She spoke about her condition openly and unafraid of ridicule. She also talked without shame about being bullied at school. Not only that, but she confidently answered questions in Bible study and clearly had already put a lot of thought into her faith and the topics we were discussing. Her confidence and wisdom not only surprised me, but amazed me. How can someone who clearly looks different and is bullied be so confident and out-spoken? I know that for me, I've always struggled with confidence and the ability to speak out, especially in middle school. But I was never really bullied much or anything, and I've never had a disorder that physically sets me apart from my peers. Does she have something special, or am I and the rest of us just not quite getting it?
Another thing that amazed me that weekend was my level of energy. Not having gotten much sleep Friday night, I was worried that I would be drained and fatigued on Saturday when I was supposed to be at least somewhat energetic and enthusiastic. Much to my surprise and delight, I had energy in abundance that lasted the entire day. It wasn't obnoxious, hyper, suger-high-ish energy either, which I hate; it was legitimate energy. At one point I found myself in the lobby of the lodge while the kids trudged through trying to get to lunch or dinner. I was over on the other side of the couches, and Nathan and Caroline were standing there. Nathan was playing a song on his guitar and the three of us were singing, and Caroline and I were dancing. I honestly don't think I've ever danced crazier or with more energy in my life. I probably looked like a crazyperson. Correction: I know I looked like a crazyperson. I knew the middle schoolers were probably staring at me, but I didn't bother to see if they were laughing or just staring. I just felt so happy and joyous to be there singing to God with all these people I love around me that I couldn't help but throw all my energy into dancing for him. But even after that, God did not let my energy run thin. He kept me going strong until I crashed in bed at 11:30 that night.
Yet another thing that amazed me was God's beauty and perfect timing (I've been thinking an awful lot about God's perfect timing lately. It keeps coming into play and it's kind of freaky). I could tell you all about the flowers that were growing in the bleakness of the end of a long winter, or the awesome way you could see right through the leafless tress to way into the woods, or the smiles on all the kid's faces, but I really want to focus in on an incredible moment I had with God. I was sitting on the porch of the lodge handing out snack to the kids before campfire, and it was starting to get dark, when David came up to me and asked if I would trade him places and take Nathan and Kaitlyn, who were supposed to be building the fire, some paper as fire starters. So I went down as quickly as I could without tripping over a rock or root in the dark and killing myself. Then, on my way back up, I paused on the bridge. Nathan and Kaitlyn were beyond my range of sight in that dark, and everyone else was too far up to see me. I heard the sound of the creek tumbling and bubbling along, and I tucked my hood, which was over my head keeping me warm, behind my ears so I could hear better. I probably looked dumb but it didn't matter. I would listen to the music of the water, then walk a few steps further or to the other side of the bridge and the sounds would change based on where I stood, and so the music flowed like a symphony. It was beautiful. I stood there and looked up and saw the tops of the trees and the many stars in the sky (you can see so many more stars out there than you can in the city) and the huge moon and was just overwhelmed by God's goodness and beauty. I started sobbing. It was ridiculous. I was drowning in love. God's beauty surrounded me. He was right there beside me, listening and looking with me. And then, of course, I suddenly felt lonely. Who was there to share this beautiful moment with me? If only... At that point one name resounded in my ears: Zach. And just as his name crossed my mind and I wished desperately that he could be with me in that beautiful moment, a startlingly large bird flew up out of nowhere, and flew right over my head (I bent around to watch it). It did not flap its wings, instead, it silently soared just above me with its vast outspread wings. Its silhouette was black against the sky that was lit up by the brightness of the moon. After it flew over me, I watched it fly away and quickly disappear. It was a moment that truly took my breath away. I wish I could better describe the wonder and awe held in those few seconds. But at that moment, my heart worshiped my beautiful Jesus. I couldn't get enough of him. He has been so faithful and good. To my right was the beauty of all the children wanting to know more about Jesus. To my left was the beauty of young romantic love. Behind me was the beauty of the outdoor chapel and the symbol of worship. Above me was beauty of the enormous lit-up-in-the-night sky. Below me was the beauty of the music of water. In front of me was the woods spread out, filled with life. I was literally surrounded with beauty. I then realized that I should probably stop crying and go about my duties as a counselor, but I didn't want to. Eventually I did walk away. When I approached the large group of people, I realized my hood was still tucked behind my ears and that I probably looked ridiculous. It was kind of funny. The first person I talked to when I got back told me that that very night there was a "super moon," which means that the moon is not only a full moon, but a perigee moon, resulting in the biggest, brightest moon we've seen in almost twenty years. What timing! I was filled with wonder and awe, once again, at God's beauty and perfect timing. No wonder the moon looked so spectacular. Later that night, my new friend Betsy and I were observing how the moon cast shadows through the woods with the trees. The ground was so bright from the moon, that the contrast of light was pretty significant and amazing. Shadows from the sun is one thing, shadows from the moon is another thing entirely.
God is truly beautiful. I love him with all my heart.
After campfire we had "spirit worship," also really special. I was technically available for any of the kids if they wanted me to pray for them, but I was also kind of in my own little world. Just singing of my love for Jesus and stuff. At one point we started singing "Blessed be your Name" and I got up and kind of went into the shadows (it was already pretty dark in there) and faced away from everyone else so I could sing just to God. I was getting really into it. I don't know who noticed me back there, but I guess it doesn't really matter. I just felt so in love with the God that was there for me and with me in my highest of highs and my lowest of lows. That's what that song's about, basically. It was really awesome.
Saturday felt like it lasted forever. I wish it could have, but my the time I went to bed, morning felt like ages ago. I wish I could tell you every detail, and accurately describe every emotion, from this weekend, but I can't, and this post is already getting pretty lengthy. I had a fabulous day on Sunday as well, in case you were wondering.
I guess to wrap up... I hope all of you who know Jesus experience something like this. I'm sure you will at some point. And for those of you who don't know Jesus, well, I hope the same thing for you. It's truly remarkable.
God bless.
I woke up precisely at 5:00 a.m. Saturday morning, made oatmeal, packed, and Patrick faithfully came to pick me up. It was still really dark outside, but we had a really good conversation. Talking to him is like eating a brand new flavor of ice cream. You know something in it will catch your interest and you'll say, "oh, what a curious flavor!" and it will be splendidly tasty and you'll want to eat every last bit of it.
When we first got there, the sun was just barely beginning to rise, and the air was cool, and the many birds were singing, and the earth smelled fresh. Getting out of stuffy Columbus and stepping into the-middle-of-nowhere nature was, both literally and figuratively, a breath of fresh air.
The retreat was a confirmation retreat for middle schoolers. There were somewhere between 150-200 people there for the retreat. (That's a lot.)
I went through the day helping out with worship and co-leading a bible study. All those kids are so special, but one in particular really stuck out to me. I'm not sure if this is the correct spelling, but her name was Michaela. Now that I think about it, theres roughly a thousand different ways to spell that name. Oh well. Anyway, Michaela stood out because of her height. She was significantly shorter than everyone else. She looked much younger than she was because of it. She was also a little overweight. I found out later that she had a disorder that was keeping her from producing a certain growth hormone that normal people use to get taller. This is also what caused her to weigh a little more. Most of her excess weight was just water storage under the skin. She spoke about her condition openly and unafraid of ridicule. She also talked without shame about being bullied at school. Not only that, but she confidently answered questions in Bible study and clearly had already put a lot of thought into her faith and the topics we were discussing. Her confidence and wisdom not only surprised me, but amazed me. How can someone who clearly looks different and is bullied be so confident and out-spoken? I know that for me, I've always struggled with confidence and the ability to speak out, especially in middle school. But I was never really bullied much or anything, and I've never had a disorder that physically sets me apart from my peers. Does she have something special, or am I and the rest of us just not quite getting it?
Another thing that amazed me that weekend was my level of energy. Not having gotten much sleep Friday night, I was worried that I would be drained and fatigued on Saturday when I was supposed to be at least somewhat energetic and enthusiastic. Much to my surprise and delight, I had energy in abundance that lasted the entire day. It wasn't obnoxious, hyper, suger-high-ish energy either, which I hate; it was legitimate energy. At one point I found myself in the lobby of the lodge while the kids trudged through trying to get to lunch or dinner. I was over on the other side of the couches, and Nathan and Caroline were standing there. Nathan was playing a song on his guitar and the three of us were singing, and Caroline and I were dancing. I honestly don't think I've ever danced crazier or with more energy in my life. I probably looked like a crazyperson. Correction: I know I looked like a crazyperson. I knew the middle schoolers were probably staring at me, but I didn't bother to see if they were laughing or just staring. I just felt so happy and joyous to be there singing to God with all these people I love around me that I couldn't help but throw all my energy into dancing for him. But even after that, God did not let my energy run thin. He kept me going strong until I crashed in bed at 11:30 that night.
Yet another thing that amazed me was God's beauty and perfect timing (I've been thinking an awful lot about God's perfect timing lately. It keeps coming into play and it's kind of freaky). I could tell you all about the flowers that were growing in the bleakness of the end of a long winter, or the awesome way you could see right through the leafless tress to way into the woods, or the smiles on all the kid's faces, but I really want to focus in on an incredible moment I had with God. I was sitting on the porch of the lodge handing out snack to the kids before campfire, and it was starting to get dark, when David came up to me and asked if I would trade him places and take Nathan and Kaitlyn, who were supposed to be building the fire, some paper as fire starters. So I went down as quickly as I could without tripping over a rock or root in the dark and killing myself. Then, on my way back up, I paused on the bridge. Nathan and Kaitlyn were beyond my range of sight in that dark, and everyone else was too far up to see me. I heard the sound of the creek tumbling and bubbling along, and I tucked my hood, which was over my head keeping me warm, behind my ears so I could hear better. I probably looked dumb but it didn't matter. I would listen to the music of the water, then walk a few steps further or to the other side of the bridge and the sounds would change based on where I stood, and so the music flowed like a symphony. It was beautiful. I stood there and looked up and saw the tops of the trees and the many stars in the sky (you can see so many more stars out there than you can in the city) and the huge moon and was just overwhelmed by God's goodness and beauty. I started sobbing. It was ridiculous. I was drowning in love. God's beauty surrounded me. He was right there beside me, listening and looking with me. And then, of course, I suddenly felt lonely. Who was there to share this beautiful moment with me? If only... At that point one name resounded in my ears: Zach. And just as his name crossed my mind and I wished desperately that he could be with me in that beautiful moment, a startlingly large bird flew up out of nowhere, and flew right over my head (I bent around to watch it). It did not flap its wings, instead, it silently soared just above me with its vast outspread wings. Its silhouette was black against the sky that was lit up by the brightness of the moon. After it flew over me, I watched it fly away and quickly disappear. It was a moment that truly took my breath away. I wish I could better describe the wonder and awe held in those few seconds. But at that moment, my heart worshiped my beautiful Jesus. I couldn't get enough of him. He has been so faithful and good. To my right was the beauty of all the children wanting to know more about Jesus. To my left was the beauty of young romantic love. Behind me was the beauty of the outdoor chapel and the symbol of worship. Above me was beauty of the enormous lit-up-in-the-night sky. Below me was the beauty of the music of water. In front of me was the woods spread out, filled with life. I was literally surrounded with beauty. I then realized that I should probably stop crying and go about my duties as a counselor, but I didn't want to. Eventually I did walk away. When I approached the large group of people, I realized my hood was still tucked behind my ears and that I probably looked ridiculous. It was kind of funny. The first person I talked to when I got back told me that that very night there was a "super moon," which means that the moon is not only a full moon, but a perigee moon, resulting in the biggest, brightest moon we've seen in almost twenty years. What timing! I was filled with wonder and awe, once again, at God's beauty and perfect timing. No wonder the moon looked so spectacular. Later that night, my new friend Betsy and I were observing how the moon cast shadows through the woods with the trees. The ground was so bright from the moon, that the contrast of light was pretty significant and amazing. Shadows from the sun is one thing, shadows from the moon is another thing entirely.
God is truly beautiful. I love him with all my heart.
After campfire we had "spirit worship," also really special. I was technically available for any of the kids if they wanted me to pray for them, but I was also kind of in my own little world. Just singing of my love for Jesus and stuff. At one point we started singing "Blessed be your Name" and I got up and kind of went into the shadows (it was already pretty dark in there) and faced away from everyone else so I could sing just to God. I was getting really into it. I don't know who noticed me back there, but I guess it doesn't really matter. I just felt so in love with the God that was there for me and with me in my highest of highs and my lowest of lows. That's what that song's about, basically. It was really awesome.
Saturday felt like it lasted forever. I wish it could have, but my the time I went to bed, morning felt like ages ago. I wish I could tell you every detail, and accurately describe every emotion, from this weekend, but I can't, and this post is already getting pretty lengthy. I had a fabulous day on Sunday as well, in case you were wondering.
I guess to wrap up... I hope all of you who know Jesus experience something like this. I'm sure you will at some point. And for those of you who don't know Jesus, well, I hope the same thing for you. It's truly remarkable.
God bless.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Pain
Today's been a really good day. It's warmer and I wore a skirt and flip flops for the first time all year.
Have you all heard the song "Friday" by Rebecca Black? Look it up on youtube. It is the worst song you will probably ever hear in your life. Or at least pretty far down there. But tomorrow's Friday; actually, in half an hour it will be Friday. I'm really excited. Sort of. Not excited for the music lit test I'm not going to do well on, or for theory class, or really anything before music lit. Afterward it'll only be uphill though. Hanging out with Cru people and hopefully seeing Patrick. Why am I telling you all this? You don't need to know my life...
I've been thinking about pain the past couple days a little. Why do we go through pain? Why do bad things happen to good people? We could talk about this all day, but I'm going to narrow in. The other night, a girl in my Bible study said, Sure, going through hard times can help you grow, but it can also tear you apart and you're worse off because of it. Why would God let tat happen? To this I replied, yes, but when you go through pain you make a choice. Do you want to use it to become better and let it make you stronger and wiser, or are you going to let it shred you up and tear you down? Are you going to trust in God's plan or are you going to reject it? So you make a choice.
My soul praises the Lord when I think about my pain:
1) It is so, so much less than so many other people are dealing with right now. When I look at my life compared to almost anyone else's life, I realize how greatly blessed I am, but I complain about this one little thing that isn't right and I think that one little thing is everything and that my world is falling apart. On the contrary, I am insanely blessed.
2) I know that because of it, I'm getting better. I'm learning. I'm growing. I'm getting stronger. This isn't the last time I'll feel pain. Later it will probably be worse. I'm going to need this experience so I can be strong enough to get through what's to come. And I'm building wisdom (hopefully), so maybe I'll look back on this and understand, and use that knowledge for my situation then.
3) It's temporary. Someday, some glorious day, my pain will end forever. I have to go through this life with pain no matter what. We all do. So, I might as well go through that pain knowing that one day it will be over forever. I would much rather that than go through life not knowing what's to come or even expecting the pain to never end. Not knowing what happens when I'm going to die. Or worse, thinking I'm heaven-bound and then finding out I was gravely mistaken after it's too late. No. My pain will end. Paradise will ensue. Pain is bearable. Life is awesome.
God bless.
Have you all heard the song "Friday" by Rebecca Black? Look it up on youtube. It is the worst song you will probably ever hear in your life. Or at least pretty far down there. But tomorrow's Friday; actually, in half an hour it will be Friday. I'm really excited. Sort of. Not excited for the music lit test I'm not going to do well on, or for theory class, or really anything before music lit. Afterward it'll only be uphill though. Hanging out with Cru people and hopefully seeing Patrick. Why am I telling you all this? You don't need to know my life...
I've been thinking about pain the past couple days a little. Why do we go through pain? Why do bad things happen to good people? We could talk about this all day, but I'm going to narrow in. The other night, a girl in my Bible study said, Sure, going through hard times can help you grow, but it can also tear you apart and you're worse off because of it. Why would God let tat happen? To this I replied, yes, but when you go through pain you make a choice. Do you want to use it to become better and let it make you stronger and wiser, or are you going to let it shred you up and tear you down? Are you going to trust in God's plan or are you going to reject it? So you make a choice.
My soul praises the Lord when I think about my pain:
1) It is so, so much less than so many other people are dealing with right now. When I look at my life compared to almost anyone else's life, I realize how greatly blessed I am, but I complain about this one little thing that isn't right and I think that one little thing is everything and that my world is falling apart. On the contrary, I am insanely blessed.
2) I know that because of it, I'm getting better. I'm learning. I'm growing. I'm getting stronger. This isn't the last time I'll feel pain. Later it will probably be worse. I'm going to need this experience so I can be strong enough to get through what's to come. And I'm building wisdom (hopefully), so maybe I'll look back on this and understand, and use that knowledge for my situation then.
3) It's temporary. Someday, some glorious day, my pain will end forever. I have to go through this life with pain no matter what. We all do. So, I might as well go through that pain knowing that one day it will be over forever. I would much rather that than go through life not knowing what's to come or even expecting the pain to never end. Not knowing what happens when I'm going to die. Or worse, thinking I'm heaven-bound and then finding out I was gravely mistaken after it's too late. No. My pain will end. Paradise will ensue. Pain is bearable. Life is awesome.
God bless.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
With Despair Comes Hope
Friends,
I was recently informed of a girl I used to know, and still (kind of) know, but not nearly as well as I did 2 1/2 years ago when I met her, attempting to kill herself this evening. The paramedics came here to our school and took her to the hospital. I hope and pray that she'll be alright and that because of this, she will receive the love and support she's been needing.
I know I certainly haven't been doing my part to support her. She goes to my school but I've never tried to talk to her or get back in touch or anything like that. The most I've done is a mere half-smile when I happen to pass her in the dining hall. Is that something true friends do?
I sensed that things were going downhill for her, but it never fully processed so I didn't do anything. Do I feel like what happened is my fault? Well, no, not really, but could I have stopped this from happening? Possibly.
What breaks my heart the most about instances like these is the way that person must feel. I think that although I personally have glimpsed feelings of hopelessness, despair, and worthlessness, for someone who physically attempts suicide (not just thinks about it, or wonders about it), those feelings must be magnified beyond my comprehension.
Here is the message I have for you. You have probably heard it before but it can't be emphasized enough.
For anyone out there who may be considering suicide:
You are precious beyond your own understanding. You are beautiful in ways you cannot see. You are worth more than you can even comprehend. If you would not murder another human being, do not murder yourself. Find someone who can help you. Email me, even if I don't know you. (bennettmk@earthlink.net) You can talk to me. I have a love in me that comes from something greater than myself and I would love to share that with you because I know, I know that you are loved with an infinite love. Don't let yourself die without finding that love. Don't. There is hope.
For everyone else:
Be. A. Friend. Reach out to those who might be lost or lonely or hurting. You don't ever know who those people might be, so reach out to everyone. Shine a light and show love to everyone around you. Be friendly to strangers. Be a good listener. Make cards and buy flowers for people. Don't be stingy with hugs, smiles, and I Love Yous. To name a few examples. It all boils down to showing love. You never know who would be dead today if you hadn't performed that act of kindness. What's stopping you? Be a friend.
For those of you who pray, pray for my friend, and pray for any of your friends who you know might be struggling. Pray for yourself, if you're that person that's struggling. And never forget the lost...
Thanks for reading. Your kind actions, words, and prayers do make a difference.
God bless
I was recently informed of a girl I used to know, and still (kind of) know, but not nearly as well as I did 2 1/2 years ago when I met her, attempting to kill herself this evening. The paramedics came here to our school and took her to the hospital. I hope and pray that she'll be alright and that because of this, she will receive the love and support she's been needing.
I know I certainly haven't been doing my part to support her. She goes to my school but I've never tried to talk to her or get back in touch or anything like that. The most I've done is a mere half-smile when I happen to pass her in the dining hall. Is that something true friends do?
I sensed that things were going downhill for her, but it never fully processed so I didn't do anything. Do I feel like what happened is my fault? Well, no, not really, but could I have stopped this from happening? Possibly.
What breaks my heart the most about instances like these is the way that person must feel. I think that although I personally have glimpsed feelings of hopelessness, despair, and worthlessness, for someone who physically attempts suicide (not just thinks about it, or wonders about it), those feelings must be magnified beyond my comprehension.
Here is the message I have for you. You have probably heard it before but it can't be emphasized enough.
For anyone out there who may be considering suicide:
You are precious beyond your own understanding. You are beautiful in ways you cannot see. You are worth more than you can even comprehend. If you would not murder another human being, do not murder yourself. Find someone who can help you. Email me, even if I don't know you. (bennettmk@earthlink.net) You can talk to me. I have a love in me that comes from something greater than myself and I would love to share that with you because I know, I know that you are loved with an infinite love. Don't let yourself die without finding that love. Don't. There is hope.
For everyone else:
Be. A. Friend. Reach out to those who might be lost or lonely or hurting. You don't ever know who those people might be, so reach out to everyone. Shine a light and show love to everyone around you. Be friendly to strangers. Be a good listener. Make cards and buy flowers for people. Don't be stingy with hugs, smiles, and I Love Yous. To name a few examples. It all boils down to showing love. You never know who would be dead today if you hadn't performed that act of kindness. What's stopping you? Be a friend.
For those of you who pray, pray for my friend, and pray for any of your friends who you know might be struggling. Pray for yourself, if you're that person that's struggling. And never forget the lost...
Thanks for reading. Your kind actions, words, and prayers do make a difference.
God bless
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Small Joys
The other day I discovered the lyrics to the song "Nothing Without You" by Relient K. I had had the song on my itunes for a while, but never paid attention to the words. I posted this stanza onto my facebook wall:
You make me sure, in the midst
Of heartbreak and turbulence
That my spirit soars
Only because it's Yours
Well said, Relient K, well said.
As some of you may know, I've been going through sort of a rough patch, and it's been taking its toll, but I'm learning to let Jesus just fill me with joy anyway, which is pretty awesome.
The past few days I've been walking outside and smiling simply because the breeze and the sun feel so good. I even opened my window to air out my room. Today I felt so happy just to hear the raindrops hitting my umbrella. Teasing my friends, making them laugh, saying hello to small children, putting on a pretty dress, taking long showers and putting lotion on my legs, eating ice cream.
You gotta do those little things, pay attention to what makes you happy. Anyone can say, "Do what makes you happy," but so many of those people go through the motions even with that. Take the time to notice and enjoy every little thing you love. Corny example, if you pass by a field of flowers, and you love flowers, but say you pass by this same field every day, and after a few weeks or even a few days you don't even notice them. They become part of the background. Do you do that with your friends too?
I know that life isn't all rainbows and sunshine. Trust me, I know. And rejoicing in the little things isn't the secret to happiness, because life is deeper than that. But every little bit helps. Do yourself a favor, because anyone can have happiness, but not everyone can have joy. Me, I have joy. :)
God bless.
You make me sure, in the midst
Of heartbreak and turbulence
That my spirit soars
Only because it's Yours
Well said, Relient K, well said.
As some of you may know, I've been going through sort of a rough patch, and it's been taking its toll, but I'm learning to let Jesus just fill me with joy anyway, which is pretty awesome.
The past few days I've been walking outside and smiling simply because the breeze and the sun feel so good. I even opened my window to air out my room. Today I felt so happy just to hear the raindrops hitting my umbrella. Teasing my friends, making them laugh, saying hello to small children, putting on a pretty dress, taking long showers and putting lotion on my legs, eating ice cream.
You gotta do those little things, pay attention to what makes you happy. Anyone can say, "Do what makes you happy," but so many of those people go through the motions even with that. Take the time to notice and enjoy every little thing you love. Corny example, if you pass by a field of flowers, and you love flowers, but say you pass by this same field every day, and after a few weeks or even a few days you don't even notice them. They become part of the background. Do you do that with your friends too?
I know that life isn't all rainbows and sunshine. Trust me, I know. And rejoicing in the little things isn't the secret to happiness, because life is deeper than that. But every little bit helps. Do yourself a favor, because anyone can have happiness, but not everyone can have joy. Me, I have joy. :)
God bless.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Female
Warning: This post might make you think I am weird. Do not read if you only wish to see my serious side.
Most of you that know me are aware that I am a girl/woman/chick/female/lady. However, I believe that most females have at least some male qualities and vice versa. In case you're not sure about me, I hope this helps.
Things that might make you suspect that I am not a female:
I wear a watch every day.
I have a low-ish voice.
I do not talk non-stop.
I do not get manicures. Nor do I get my hair chemically treated.
I like to pee in the shower.
I like to build fire.
I like to hold frogs.
I wear the same shoes every day.
I like to get into physical fights (as long as they're not angry fights.)
I drink protein shakes.
I never faint.
I drive a truck.
Proof that I am actually a female:
Eventually I get full when I eat.
I like to look pretty. I put on makeup, do my hair, and sometimes even wear jewelry. Also, skirts.
I cry and am not embarrassed to say so.
I do not / cannot lift heavy things.
My name is Maryann.
I have a cute umbrella. And sunglasses with plastic diamonds on them.
I like to smell like flowers.
I look at pretty wedding dresses online on occasion.
I prefer talking on the phone to texting.
I have had boyfriends.
My brother and sister call me their sister.
I like to color and watch chick flicks.
My toenails must be painted a pretty color.
I write in a journal/diary/notebook.
Stickers are fun.
I look like a girl.
I sneeze like a girl.
I am a girl.
Clearly there are more reasons indicating that I am a girl than there are that I am not a girl. I hope I have convinced you, for those of you who were not sure. For those of you still on the edge, uhhhh... just know that I'm a girl.
God bless.
Most of you that know me are aware that I am a girl/woman/chick/female/lady. However, I believe that most females have at least some male qualities and vice versa. In case you're not sure about me, I hope this helps.
Things that might make you suspect that I am not a female:
I wear a watch every day.
I have a low-ish voice.
I do not talk non-stop.
I do not get manicures. Nor do I get my hair chemically treated.
I like to pee in the shower.
I like to build fire.
I like to hold frogs.
I wear the same shoes every day.
I like to get into physical fights (as long as they're not angry fights.)
I drink protein shakes.
I never faint.
I drive a truck.
Proof that I am actually a female:
Eventually I get full when I eat.
I like to look pretty. I put on makeup, do my hair, and sometimes even wear jewelry. Also, skirts.
I cry and am not embarrassed to say so.
I do not / cannot lift heavy things.
My name is Maryann.
I have a cute umbrella. And sunglasses with plastic diamonds on them.
I like to smell like flowers.
I look at pretty wedding dresses online on occasion.
I prefer talking on the phone to texting.
I have had boyfriends.
My brother and sister call me their sister.
I like to color and watch chick flicks.
My toenails must be painted a pretty color.
I write in a journal/diary/notebook.
Stickers are fun.
I look like a girl.
I sneeze like a girl.
I am a girl.
Clearly there are more reasons indicating that I am a girl than there are that I am not a girl. I hope I have convinced you, for those of you who were not sure. For those of you still on the edge, uhhhh... just know that I'm a girl.
God bless.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Grown-Up
C.S. Lewis said, "The first step to humility is to realize you are proud. To think you're not conceited, means you are indeed."
This morning as I was taking my shower I was having an imaginary conversation with someone in my head. I will not disclose this child's identity, but in my head she asked me why my boyfriend broke up with me, and in my head I replied, "Because I am a grown-up and he is not."
I proceeded to come up with reasons why I was a grown-up, unlike him, the biggest ones being because I know what love is and I can think for myself.
And yet, how did I treat him? Did I treat him with love and forgiveness? Or did I act like a child full of anger and resentment? My dear friends, I regret to inform you that it was the latter.
Perhaps I am not a grown-up at all.
When I called him to apologize, I was not surprised or even offended at all that he did not answer. I left a message telling him I was wrong; said that I hoped he'd forgive me. Sometimes you have to lower yourself below the other person, no matter how wrong you think they were, you cannot deny that you did not act like a saint either, and that is reason enough to ask for forgiveness, to confess that you were wrong.
So yes, I'm proud. I think I am great and wonderful and better than him. It's terrible. I am so proud, more than I'd like to admit.
But admitting it does not automatically make me humble, either. If it did, I'd be caught in an endless loop of, "I admit I am proud, and therefore I am humble. But since I have admitted to being humble, I am certainly proud." Now wouldn't that be ridiculous? But in confessing I am proud, for surely I am, maybe, just maybe, I have taken the first step toward humility.
And maybe someday I will be a grown-up.
God bless.
This morning as I was taking my shower I was having an imaginary conversation with someone in my head. I will not disclose this child's identity, but in my head she asked me why my boyfriend broke up with me, and in my head I replied, "Because I am a grown-up and he is not."
I proceeded to come up with reasons why I was a grown-up, unlike him, the biggest ones being because I know what love is and I can think for myself.
And yet, how did I treat him? Did I treat him with love and forgiveness? Or did I act like a child full of anger and resentment? My dear friends, I regret to inform you that it was the latter.
Perhaps I am not a grown-up at all.
When I called him to apologize, I was not surprised or even offended at all that he did not answer. I left a message telling him I was wrong; said that I hoped he'd forgive me. Sometimes you have to lower yourself below the other person, no matter how wrong you think they were, you cannot deny that you did not act like a saint either, and that is reason enough to ask for forgiveness, to confess that you were wrong.
So yes, I'm proud. I think I am great and wonderful and better than him. It's terrible. I am so proud, more than I'd like to admit.
But admitting it does not automatically make me humble, either. If it did, I'd be caught in an endless loop of, "I admit I am proud, and therefore I am humble. But since I have admitted to being humble, I am certainly proud." Now wouldn't that be ridiculous? But in confessing I am proud, for surely I am, maybe, just maybe, I have taken the first step toward humility.
And maybe someday I will be a grown-up.
God bless.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Old Friends
There's nothing quite like spending some time with an old friend. I don't think I was as sociable with Andrew as I should have been, but I didn't want to spill all my negativity on him, or my deep ponderous wonderings, I simply felt peaceful being with him, listening to his jokes, remembering old times, watching how he's changed (not much). Riding along in his car, remembering. Hugging him goodbye and feeling the warmth on his neck...
I mean, that's just real nice. To feel comfortable simply because you're with a person.
There are some people that make you feel uptight the whole time you're with them. You feel like they're judging you, or that you have to measure up in some way or another; act a certain way. Even if they're a wonderful person, with new friends you still have to be self-conscious because you're still figuring out the little things about them and they're still figuring out the little things about you.
But with old friends, where you know everything about them and they know everything about you, where some things change, but some things never will, there's just that comfortableness and peace that you can't get anywhere else.
It's the same with Amy, if any of you know her. I got to talk to her the other day. We've known each other our quite literally whole lives, childhood "best friends". We can talk for hours when we get the chance. I don't have to worry about her thinking bad things about me when I show weakness or vulnerability. She doesn't care about that or judge me for it; she shows her own weaknesses too and I don't judge her for that either. Because we're comfortable around each other. We've known each other too long not to be...
You all should listen to the song "Old Friends" by Simon and Garfunkel. It's a good one. And writing this made it get stuck in my head.
That is all.
God bless.
I mean, that's just real nice. To feel comfortable simply because you're with a person.
There are some people that make you feel uptight the whole time you're with them. You feel like they're judging you, or that you have to measure up in some way or another; act a certain way. Even if they're a wonderful person, with new friends you still have to be self-conscious because you're still figuring out the little things about them and they're still figuring out the little things about you.
But with old friends, where you know everything about them and they know everything about you, where some things change, but some things never will, there's just that comfortableness and peace that you can't get anywhere else.
It's the same with Amy, if any of you know her. I got to talk to her the other day. We've known each other our quite literally whole lives, childhood "best friends". We can talk for hours when we get the chance. I don't have to worry about her thinking bad things about me when I show weakness or vulnerability. She doesn't care about that or judge me for it; she shows her own weaknesses too and I don't judge her for that either. Because we're comfortable around each other. We've known each other too long not to be...
You all should listen to the song "Old Friends" by Simon and Garfunkel. It's a good one. And writing this made it get stuck in my head.
That is all.
God bless.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Ignored
At what point, would you say, one should demand attention? I dislike being the center of attention very much, and the more people there are, the more I dislike it. But I can't really deny the fact that I, like everyone else in this world, want SOME attention when I am around other people. Every now and then you just want to be left alone, but you can't just be left alone ALL the time because then you would never speak and you would probably get depressed and your little world would spiral out of control and no one would even know because you're just that wallflower over there. Maybe I'm speaking from personal experience. But believe it or not, as shy as I am, I DO like attention. In moderation. But to ask for it would be selfish, right? I wish I knew.
Tonight Stephanie and I went to Cincinnati. We didn't tell the Cincinnati people that we were going to visit them. It was going to be a surprise. Maybe when you're caught off-guard because you're surprised, you forget how to socially interact and then you ignore the person who did the surprising. Is that valid? Stephanie doesn't think so.
But when you feel really terrible afterward about how I drove all that way to surprise you and then you ignored me, you say you're sorry. And then, what if I forgive you? What would you say then? I guess we'll find out when you text me back.
But I don't need your attention to know that I'm loved, and I'm not going to demand it either. So trust me when I tell you it's all good and that I forgive you. You'll have second chances and third chances and fiftieth chances and a hundred and twentieth chances. Besides, you can't bring me down THAT easily ;)
God bless.
Tonight Stephanie and I went to Cincinnati. We didn't tell the Cincinnati people that we were going to visit them. It was going to be a surprise. Maybe when you're caught off-guard because you're surprised, you forget how to socially interact and then you ignore the person who did the surprising. Is that valid? Stephanie doesn't think so.
But when you feel really terrible afterward about how I drove all that way to surprise you and then you ignored me, you say you're sorry. And then, what if I forgive you? What would you say then? I guess we'll find out when you text me back.
But I don't need your attention to know that I'm loved, and I'm not going to demand it either. So trust me when I tell you it's all good and that I forgive you. You'll have second chances and third chances and fiftieth chances and a hundred and twentieth chances. Besides, you can't bring me down THAT easily ;)
God bless.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Introductions
If you're reading my very first blog post, you probably already at least know who I am. Call me Maryann. That's my first name. I go by that. Something many of you may not know about me is that I consider myself more of a writer than a reader. I know some people sit around reading blog posts all day, and other people sit around writing them. I guess I'm more of the latter, or at least potentially. I have no idea what this blog has in store for me. I don't know what I'm going to talk about. Hopefully I make you laugh at some point, but that's not guaranteed. I think Sarah thinks I take life too seriously. She is usually more right about me than I am about myself. She's my sister. She's the main reason I don't like myself as much as some people think I should. She makes me blatantly aware of my faults, shines them in my face, like a blinding light, it's like "Oh! That's what I'm like? It's plain as day now, but it sure hurts my eyes."
By the way, if you find yourself being mentioned in this blog and wish to retain your anonymity, let me know and I'll give you a fake name. Or just delete or alter a post so you're not in it at all, but I'd rather not do that if it's all the same to you.
But I might tell stories, I might rant, I might go really in-depth about someone I know. I might even share a bit of poetry with you. But no guarantees there. I really have no idea where I'm going with this blog, but it's something I've been thinking about creating and something that I think people will read. I don't intend to change the world with my words, but maybe I will change something or someone with them.
I should probably briefly explain the title of my blog. There's not much more to it than what you see. Music, Laughter, and Silence are what I consider to be the three best sounds in the world. And that's about it. I like to listen.
In other words, I may or may not talk about music, I may or may not try to make you laugh, and since this is a blog, it will probably involve silence unless you read my posts out loud. Please do not take my title literally.
That's about all I have to say right now. It's vaguely late and I'm vaguely tired but the more tired I get, the worse my writing will get. In general.
God bless.
By the way, if you find yourself being mentioned in this blog and wish to retain your anonymity, let me know and I'll give you a fake name. Or just delete or alter a post so you're not in it at all, but I'd rather not do that if it's all the same to you.
But I might tell stories, I might rant, I might go really in-depth about someone I know. I might even share a bit of poetry with you. But no guarantees there. I really have no idea where I'm going with this blog, but it's something I've been thinking about creating and something that I think people will read. I don't intend to change the world with my words, but maybe I will change something or someone with them.
I should probably briefly explain the title of my blog. There's not much more to it than what you see. Music, Laughter, and Silence are what I consider to be the three best sounds in the world. And that's about it. I like to listen.
In other words, I may or may not talk about music, I may or may not try to make you laugh, and since this is a blog, it will probably involve silence unless you read my posts out loud. Please do not take my title literally.
That's about all I have to say right now. It's vaguely late and I'm vaguely tired but the more tired I get, the worse my writing will get. In general.
God bless.
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