Why I Didn't Give Anything Up for Lent

Happy mid-Lent everybody. I hope you're having a wonderfully somber time.

Really, though, every year since I was about eleven I have done something for Lent. I started out when I was younger by doing easy things like giving up chocolate. It was a good start to getting me in the practice of spiritual disciplines.

When I got older, I started doing harder things, like committing to reading my Bible every day, giving up meat, committing to being in bed by 11 p.m. every night, or fasting one day a week. I tried to keep these things pretty secretive when I was doing them because of their introspective nature. I share them with you now so that 1) you can see that Lent does not need to be confined to giving up pop or something like that 2) you can see where I stand on this: I am all for spiritual disciplines. I don't intend to flaunt my spirituality either, because I've definitely flubbed up on some of those commitments or had a hard time finding the spiritual benefit in them.

This year, I had several ideas for what I could do. My problem (if you could call it that) is that I often take things literally, like when I considered taking a vow of silence or when I cut my dreads, to name a few instances. I also have a weird desire to be a radical, to live out my beliefs as practically and externally as possible, not to prove a point to anybody, but because it's the right thing to do, the most genuine way to live.

I think that's why I admire Chris McCandless so much. He had passionate beliefs, like hunger is wrong and money causes greed. So after graduating college, he donated his $24,000 of savings to Oxfam and lived an intentionally minimalistic life for his remaining two years. Maybe his lifestyle is not the one I would strive for, but he acted on his beliefs, and that, to me, is incredibly important. I'm convinced that he found his life to be very meaningful and fulfilling. I can only hope to live as genuinely as him. Same with Jesus.

Anyway, I had all these ideas for changing myself, but was having a hard time finding both spiritual merit and practicality behind any of them.

It was Ash Wednesday and I still didn't have anything. Church was an emotional time for me that night, and I realized during the service that my efforts to change myself are futile. As I experienced last summer and fall, God is capable of radically transforming my heart where my own efforts failed.

So I gave it up and decided, fine, let's see how God changes me.

I can't look back and say yet what has changed, but I do think he is helping me to recognize my sin and repent. I don't really know what else. We'll see.


God bless.

Roles

The woman who took my order at dinner's name was Ebony. It struck me as a lovely name, and it inspired this poem, which really has nothing to do with the name.

Ebony heels

Click through the doorway.

An ebony pencil skirt

Plops onto the couch.

An ebony soul

Bares itself.

Pink eyes

Drop tears onto

Pink-ink notes

Observed by

A pink soul.

Deep purple

Is the enmeshment

Of an ebony and pink embrace.

God bless.

Support Letter

Dear friends,                                                                                                           March 27, 2014

I hope you have been well. I want to thank you again for your support last year of two mission trips. Here is what has been going on in my life lately. I am still heavily involved with Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ) and through that have been leading “Women’s Ministry and Discipleship” here at Capital University. I feel that God has helped me grow and develop a lot this year, as a leader and in my personal spiritual journey. I have two babysitting jobs and am working hard in school to finish up my final year. I am excited to graduate in May with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and am looking forward to seeing where God takes me from there.

Cru is an international organization that is active on many college campuses in the U.S. The purpose statement on their website reads: “[We are] helping to fulfill the Great Commission in the power of the Holy Spirit by winning people to faith in Jesus Christ, building them in their faith and sending them to win and build others; and helping the Body of Christ do evangelism and discipleship.” Please contact me if you have more questions about what Cru is and what they are all about!

This summer, I have been graciously invited to come back to Juneau, Alaska to be on staff for this year’s Women’s Summer Project. I am very excited to see how God will use me this summer, especially since I will be in a leadership role this time. I will be there from the end of May to the beginning of July.

In order to make this trip a reality, I need your help. First of all, I need you to pray. Please pray for me and the other staff members as we train the students to be Godly disciples. Please pray for the students, that they may learn from us and from their experiences in Juneau and grow to resemble Christ more. Please pray for the residents of Juneau, that they will be receptive to hearing the Gospel from us and that they will be open to forming friendships with those of us on the Summer Project.

My staff position is not paid, so I also need your help to raise the $1,650 necessary to go. This is the minimum amount I need to raise, as it does not cover travel costs. Please prayerfully consider giving $300, $200, $100 or some other amount in order to help make this happen.

I have included a response card and return envelope for you to let me know about your financial decision. Please make your checks payable to Cru, as your gift is tax-deductible. You can also give online at give.gosummerproject.com/maryann-bennett/. Remember that God loves a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:6-7)! Please feel free to contact me with any questions you may have, or if you just want to chat! Thank you very much.

God bless!

Maryann

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates

You never know what you're gonna get.

I took today's writing prompt from 365 Days of Writing Prompts, which reads, "Take a quote from your favorite movie — there’s the title of your post. Now, write!"

Forrest Gump is not necessarily my favorite movie, but it is my default answer for favorite movie. I mean, it's still really, really good, am I right? And that line is certainly not my favorite line from that movie, but it is probably the most famous one. And the easiest one to work with.

So anyway. I'm going to actually write now. I just wanted to let you know what I was doing.


I got a box of chocolates for Valentine's Day. A real, heart-shaped box. And a bouquet of roses. Am I a lucky lady or what? Even more luckily, the chocolates inside the box of chocolates were all ones that I liked. I didn't throw any of them away due to peanuts or coconut shavings or whatever other nastiness is to be found in chocolates from boxes of chocolates. I ate, and enjoyed, all of them.

This is not what life is like.

I don't know where the bad stuff in life comes from. I don't know whose idea it was to put peanut bits on/in perfectly good pieces of chocolate. Maybe God allows it to happen without actually liking that it happens, like in the book of Job. But I don't know. The fact is, it's there, and we're kind of stuck with dealing with it.

There's that moment-- you've surveyed the box full of chocolates trying to find the most delicious-looking piece. You think you've found the one, but you can never know for sure, so you bite in and see. That first bite is a moment of horror. Will you like what you find, or will you have to spit it out?

I feel like I'm at that moment in life right now. I'm on the verge of graduating from college and I have literally no idea where I'll be or what I'll be doing even six months from now. No idea. I'm biting in, and I don't know what I'll find. And it's horrifying.

But hopefully I'll find something creamy or marshmallowy and undeniably, satisfyingly sweet.


God bless.

To Facebook or Not To Facebook?

That is the question.

I just read this blog post about the reasons for getting a Facebook page for your blog.

What do you think? Should I go for it?

I guess I'll have to figure out what I actually want for this blog and where I want it to go. I have no idea; I kind of like it as it is. But more readers would be nice. Is it worth it?

Is self-promotion all it's cracked up to be? I really don't want to be just one of those people that is trying to stand out in the crowd begging for attention. That's obnoxious and I do it enough outside of the internet already. And enough other people do it already.

But anyway. I'm thinking about it and I'd like to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below? Thanks, faithful readers.


God bless.

Comforts

For spring break, which amazingly ended almost a week ago (time flies), we went backpacking in the Smoky Mountains. Except for a short stint back into the real world for medical purposes, we went over a week without running water, electricity, or heating (except campfires), not to mention internet or cell service.

We slept in tents and cabins. We didn't change our clothes. We didn't wear deodorant (because the scent attracts animals). In fact, we lost the ability to smell ourselves. We peed and pooped on trees on mountainsides, and said bodily functions ceased to be taboo subjects. We drank water out of streams (but we usually filtered it). We cooked our food over portable gas stoves. We didn't care what we looked like, even though our greasy hair was matted and filthy. Even if we did, it wouldn't have mattered, because we didn't bring mirrors.

We encouraged each other on long hikes. We had long, deep conversations. We endured crazy hardships together. We huddled together at night for body heat. We helped each other survive. We shared toilet paper. We ate from the same plate and poured drinking water into each other's bottles. We tended each other's injuries. We built bridges for each other.

We also longed to come home. We daydreamed about the luxuries of civilization.

"Mmmmm, pizza sounds so good right now."

"I am going to stand in the shower for three hours."

"One more day and we'll be in our own beds."

And on Friday, we did come home. We ate food together that none of us had to cook. We use public restrooms and actually missed having a view to admire while we did. We rode in a car where we could control the temperature. We got home and showered. We slept in warm beds, but our sleep cycles were so thrown off that we woke up at 6:30 a.m. on our own accord the next morning.

~~~

It did not take long for the comforts and luxuries of the city to feel incredibly wrong.

Two of the people in our group were vegan, and I had spent time talking with both of them individually about this lifestyle. Suddenly I could see animal products everywhere. This society's eating habits are incredibly meat- and dairy-centric. Given the many ethical (and health) reasons supporting veganism, I couldn't help but feel guilty eating bacon the day after we got back. Why does our society have to be this way? Why are we (myself included) so allergic to the things that are good for us?

I took a shower, and it was wonderful. In fact, within 48 hours of getting home, I took three showers. But I had just experienced 8 days without one, and while that might be a bit too long, why do we need them daily? I almost feel like the only reason I even do take them so often is because society expects me to. Same with shaving. And why do we need to waste so much water on every toilet flush? I went a week without using running water to go potty, and I was fine. Are we that phobic of the smell that we have to have all that water masking it? The amount of freshwater on our planet is being sucked away pretty quickly (yet most Americans are pretty dehydrated). It may feel luxurious, but isn't this kind of...evil? Don't other people need that water?

I started noticing all the advertisements. It's actually ridiculous. When we were filling up the gas tank on our way home, the pump actually had a TV on it with ads, one after another, like a never-ending commercial break. When I jokingly asked Steven when he got back in the car what he thought of watching TV while pumping gas, he said something like, "It's f***ing stupid." I laughed, but he continued about how seriously irritated he gets having advertisements shoved in his face all the time. And he's right. I didn't realize it until I came back how nice it had been to have a break from all that. Why do they do this to us? Why can't they give it a rest? Why is literally everything about money??

We also don't need our homes to be 70°F in the dead of winter, but we have to admit that we're uncomfortable if they're not. We have to admit that we're uncomfortable with even the faintest hint of B.O. on another person (or ourselves). We're uncomfortable with poop. We're uncomfortable with vegetables. We're uncomfortable with ugliness. We're uncomfortable with lacking. We're uncomfortable with grittiness. Professionalism is godliness, and wealth shows you've arrived.

It's actually been sort of hard for me. Now that we've been back for almost a week, it's not so bad, but for a few days I had a little bit of reverse culture shock. And guilt.

I can't describe the way I feel more compelled to action because of my trip. I can't explain how a week away from the world helped open my eyes to its needs. But I do, and it did.

Things are not as they should be. Not in our society, not anywhere. All people do is talk about it, but for fear of losing our comforts we avoid action. We are quick to point out the problems but slow to be part of the solution. Frankly, being uncomfortable is really hard. It is. I don't know if I will ever be able to convince myself to go on a week-long backpacking trip again because it really was that hard.

All this is magnified by the pressing question that I get asked at least once a day and think about constantly: What will I do after I graduate in May?

Will I strive for comfort, or will I strive to solve a problem?


God bless.



P.S. This is an article that my dad posted on facebook that is somewhat relevant to this post and that I do not entirely agree with but still think is worth directing you toward if you're interested: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/scott-dannemiller/christians-should-stop-saying_b_4868963.html