Check out the blog we're keeping while we're on our Jamaican Mission trip, and the guest post I wrote today!
http://capcrujamaica2013.blog.com/2013/02/26/evangelizing-day-one-maryann/
God bless.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Answered Prayer
In lieu of studying for an exam tomorrow, I am writing this brief blog post. FYI.
"For those of you told that I was going to Yellowstone this summer, I lied. My Cru summer project will be in Juneau, Alaska. Also, no big deal, but I will be in Kingston, Jamaica next week. I asked God for an adventure and he's given me two (so far!). What a good and generous God I have!"
If you will recall this old, somewhat vulnerable, blog post from last October, you will understand perhaps a little better. I encourage you to read it even if you did when I posted it:
God is a sneaky and awesome guy. He is giving me 2(two) adventures, and in those adventures I hope, no, expect to find more passion for Christ, build incredible relationships, see God's magnificent handiwork and stare in awe of it, and let my life be changed.
Stay tuned to hear all about my Kingston adventures. I may post pictures when I get back. If you're good.
God bless.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
I Am Beautiful.
Sometimes people laugh at me because I compliment myself. If someone catches me looking at myself in the mirror, they may occasionally hear me say things like, "I'm so beautiful," "I look gorgeous today," or even specific things like, "I love my eyes" or "my skin is really soft." Evidently, this is considered weird by many people, and often, vain. People have even said to me, "That's really conceited," implying that I shouldn't see myself this way.
Ann Kearney-Cooke, Ph.D., says, “It’s become such an accepted norm to put yourself down that if someone says she likes her body, she’s the odd woman out. I was in a group discussion recently, and when one woman said, ‘I actually feel OK about the way I look,’ another woman scrunched up her face and said, ‘I have never in my whole life heard anyone say that—and I’m not sure I even believe you.’ That’s how pervasive this negative body talk is. It’s actually more acceptable to insult your body than to praise it.”
But is the fact that I'm in the mere 2% of women globally (Dove study) who see themselves as beautiful really a bad thing? Why do I feel this way? And does it really reflect my actual physical attractiveness? Does it reflect who I am on the inside? How much does it even matter? The more I think about this topic, the more I wonder about these questions.
I have not always been on this side of the spectrum, and even now I occasionally find myself putting myself down. Although my self-esteem is much improved from what it was in the past, I still joke about being fat when I get up to get dessert in the cafeteria. But it's not a big deal to me. Not anymore.
I wonder if my position and self-image would be different if I had been brought up differently, if people had commented on my appearance differently, or if I actually physically looked differently. Growing up, I have almost no recollection of my parents (or anyone else) commenting on my physical appearance; no one telling me I was beautiful or anything of that nature. The sole instance I can think of is when my aunt commented on how my eyes get bluer when I'm in the sunlight and how I have long, "piano" fingers that she envied. I was flattered of course, but it was strange to become aware of my own appearance for once.
According to glamour.com, "In a University of Central Florida study of three- to six-year-old girls, nearly half were already worried about being fat—and roughly a third said they wanted to change something about their body." This statistic gets even worse when children age: 81% of 10-year-olds are afraid of being fat (psychcentral.com).
Meanwhile, I was virtually naïve of the fact that my appearance meant anything at all. My parents wisely stressed inner beauty by teaching me about Jesus and how to follow his example.
It wasn't until late elementary school when culture finally caught up to me and I started to feel self-conscious about my clothes, 7th grade until I felt embarrassed by my crooked, gapped teeth and acne, 8th grade until I realized my eyebrows were "too thick," and 9th grade until I looked into the mirror and told myself for the first time that I was "fat." While these are all obviously bad things, I feel blessed that I was so unaware for so long, that it wasn't until I was much older than most girls that I felt this way.
Almost no one ever called me ugly or fat, and when they did, I don't think they meant it; they were just trying to be mean (although I'm sure I was much more affected then than I am now). But in high school, boys started calling me pretty and beautiful, and I drank it in. To this day, I absolutely relish hearing someone, especially someone of the male gender, praise my appearance.
I have chosen taken their word as truth, and to take the word of the pictures I see in media that tell me I don't measure up and need to do better by buying such-and-such a product as a lie. To me, that makes sense. If you see a commercial advertising some sort of gadget, their claims that this product would change your life and make you a thousand times happier would probably roll right off you. But if someone you know and trust tells you they bought this product and it changed their life and made them a thousand times happier, you would probably be pretty tempted to at least check it out, if not buy it for yourself. So it is with self-perception of beauty. If someone you know and trust tells you you're beautiful, what reason do you have not to believe them? But if a magazine tells you, or even simply implies, that you're not as beautiful as the photo-shopped model in the picture, what reason do you have to believe them? None! You're being sold something!
So, where am I now, and what does all this say about me? For the most part, I feel confident and happy with myself. I admit to having many more flaws with my "inner" beauty than my "outer" beauty, although both are far from perfect. I rarely wear make-up because I don't feel the need for it (although it's fun randomly and on special occasions), I had enough confidence to get dreadlocks, and I dress nicely most days. As I like to say, "you dress how you feel." I even feel confident enough to look like this:
Today, I posed this question on a facebook status:
If a woman looks in the mirror and thinks or says, "Wow, I am beautiful," what does that imply? Is it healthy or vain?
Here are some of my favorite comments so far (although all responses were valuable):
-It's healthy to have a dose of confidence.
-Depends on how they see others.
-I think it's healthy without the 'Wow'. ;)
-Its only vain if they announce to people that theyre pretty
-I think in front of the mirror, it's healthy. If she consciously carries that thought with her, it might be vain
-I believe it depends on whether a woman puts her identity in her physical beauty
Maybe some of you are, even now, comparing yourself to me. "She has it easy! She's pretty and skinny! How can she expect someone like me to just accept the way I look and be happy?"
First of all, I would like to point out that according to glamour.com, "thin and average-weight women were just as likely to insult themselves as overweight ones." Actual physical appearance surprisingly makes little difference in how women feel about themselves. I know there are flaws on my body. I know I still struggle with acne well past adolescence, I know I'm not nearly as fit as I could be, I know I sometimes have bags under my eyes, I know I have weird feet that pronate when I walk, and I am fully aware that many people judge me because I have unconventional hair.
I could easily obsess over all those things as much as anyone else does about their respective flaws. But I don't. I look in the mirror, take note of how I look, possibly fix what I can, and move on. Why worry about what I can't control, or even what I can control?
I honestly feel like I'm bragging, and I'm trying hard not to. My point is not: I'm pretty and you're not so haha. My point is that I'm happy with the way I look, and the way I am. Yes, I know there's room for improvement, but why should I insult God's creation of my body? I should praise the body he made for me, the creature he put my soul into, and be grateful for its health and capabilities (Psalm 139:14)! I should openly praise the bodies of other women as well, because they're just as much a part of a good creation as I am! Most importantly, I should focus on bettering my spirit rather than bettering my physical attractiveness. (1 Peter 3:3-4, Proverbs 31:30)
What's my point? What am I trying to tell you? Why does all this matter?
Many of the websites I looked at (which I have cited in this post) talked about the problem, then possible ways to fix said problem. One website claimed that beauty has little to do with it, that this was a "happiness" issue or a "stress" issue (glamour.com). Worrying about your body is just an outlet for deeper struggles. There is probably truth in that. But...
Simply knowing that God created you and intended for you to be beautiful might not be enough. But is "seeking happiness" really the solution? Surely "getting prettier" isn't--we're stuck in the bodies we got.
This takes a whole re-wiring of the brain to fix negative thoughts. This takes practice. This takes reminders. This takes writing the word "beautiful" and "wonderfully made" on the bathroom mirror in lipstick. This takes prayer. This takes mentally yelling "Stop! Shut up! You are lying!" to that voice in your head that is constantly insulting you. This takes focusing on other things, especially inner beauty. Physical exercise is good, but this is a mental exercise, and it may take a while to get your mind in shape. This is important because our body is a temple (1 Corinthians 6:19-20), but it is more important because our physical beauty isn't where our attention should be in the first place.
You are welcome to email me with any private questions. Anything else, comments or questions, leave a comment!
God bless.
P.S. Thank you Brenna for your sources, and thank you facebook friends for your input on my status.
Ann Kearney-Cooke, Ph.D., says, “It’s become such an accepted norm to put yourself down that if someone says she likes her body, she’s the odd woman out. I was in a group discussion recently, and when one woman said, ‘I actually feel OK about the way I look,’ another woman scrunched up her face and said, ‘I have never in my whole life heard anyone say that—and I’m not sure I even believe you.’ That’s how pervasive this negative body talk is. It’s actually more acceptable to insult your body than to praise it.”
But is the fact that I'm in the mere 2% of women globally (Dove study) who see themselves as beautiful really a bad thing? Why do I feel this way? And does it really reflect my actual physical attractiveness? Does it reflect who I am on the inside? How much does it even matter? The more I think about this topic, the more I wonder about these questions.
I have not always been on this side of the spectrum, and even now I occasionally find myself putting myself down. Although my self-esteem is much improved from what it was in the past, I still joke about being fat when I get up to get dessert in the cafeteria. But it's not a big deal to me. Not anymore.
I wonder if my position and self-image would be different if I had been brought up differently, if people had commented on my appearance differently, or if I actually physically looked differently. Growing up, I have almost no recollection of my parents (or anyone else) commenting on my physical appearance; no one telling me I was beautiful or anything of that nature. The sole instance I can think of is when my aunt commented on how my eyes get bluer when I'm in the sunlight and how I have long, "piano" fingers that she envied. I was flattered of course, but it was strange to become aware of my own appearance for once.
According to glamour.com, "In a University of Central Florida study of three- to six-year-old girls, nearly half were already worried about being fat—and roughly a third said they wanted to change something about their body." This statistic gets even worse when children age: 81% of 10-year-olds are afraid of being fat (psychcentral.com).
Norman Rockwell
Meanwhile, I was virtually naïve of the fact that my appearance meant anything at all. My parents wisely stressed inner beauty by teaching me about Jesus and how to follow his example.
"Mommy, does this leotard make me look fat?" (me on left, roommate/best friend on right)
It wasn't until late elementary school when culture finally caught up to me and I started to feel self-conscious about my clothes, 7th grade until I felt embarrassed by my crooked, gapped teeth and acne, 8th grade until I realized my eyebrows were "too thick," and 9th grade until I looked into the mirror and told myself for the first time that I was "fat." While these are all obviously bad things, I feel blessed that I was so unaware for so long, that it wasn't until I was much older than most girls that I felt this way.
braces, make-up, and a really awkward eyebrow-plucking job (9th grade)
Almost no one ever called me ugly or fat, and when they did, I don't think they meant it; they were just trying to be mean (although I'm sure I was much more affected then than I am now). But in high school, boys started calling me pretty and beautiful, and I drank it in. To this day, I absolutely relish hearing someone, especially someone of the male gender, praise my appearance.
I have chosen taken their word as truth, and to take the word of the pictures I see in media that tell me I don't measure up and need to do better by buying such-and-such a product as a lie. To me, that makes sense. If you see a commercial advertising some sort of gadget, their claims that this product would change your life and make you a thousand times happier would probably roll right off you. But if someone you know and trust tells you they bought this product and it changed their life and made them a thousand times happier, you would probably be pretty tempted to at least check it out, if not buy it for yourself. So it is with self-perception of beauty. If someone you know and trust tells you you're beautiful, what reason do you have not to believe them? But if a magazine tells you, or even simply implies, that you're not as beautiful as the photo-shopped model in the picture, what reason do you have to believe them? None! You're being sold something!
So, where am I now, and what does all this say about me? For the most part, I feel confident and happy with myself. I admit to having many more flaws with my "inner" beauty than my "outer" beauty, although both are far from perfect. I rarely wear make-up because I don't feel the need for it (although it's fun randomly and on special occasions), I had enough confidence to get dreadlocks, and I dress nicely most days. As I like to say, "you dress how you feel." I even feel confident enough to look like this:
On the internet for all to see. No shame.
Today, I posed this question on a facebook status:
If a woman looks in the mirror and thinks or says, "Wow, I am beautiful," what does that imply? Is it healthy or vain?
Here are some of my favorite comments so far (although all responses were valuable):
-It's healthy to have a dose of confidence.
-Depends on how they see others.
-I think it's healthy without the 'Wow'. ;)
-Its only vain if they announce to people that theyre pretty
-I think in front of the mirror, it's healthy. If she consciously carries that thought with her, it might be vain
-I believe it depends on whether a woman puts her identity in her physical beauty
Maybe some of you are, even now, comparing yourself to me. "She has it easy! She's pretty and skinny! How can she expect someone like me to just accept the way I look and be happy?"
First of all, I would like to point out that according to glamour.com, "thin and average-weight women were just as likely to insult themselves as overweight ones." Actual physical appearance surprisingly makes little difference in how women feel about themselves. I know there are flaws on my body. I know I still struggle with acne well past adolescence, I know I'm not nearly as fit as I could be, I know I sometimes have bags under my eyes, I know I have weird feet that pronate when I walk, and I am fully aware that many people judge me because I have unconventional hair.
I could easily obsess over all those things as much as anyone else does about their respective flaws. But I don't. I look in the mirror, take note of how I look, possibly fix what I can, and move on. Why worry about what I can't control, or even what I can control?
I honestly feel like I'm bragging, and I'm trying hard not to. My point is not: I'm pretty and you're not so haha. My point is that I'm happy with the way I look, and the way I am. Yes, I know there's room for improvement, but why should I insult God's creation of my body? I should praise the body he made for me, the creature he put my soul into, and be grateful for its health and capabilities (Psalm 139:14)! I should openly praise the bodies of other women as well, because they're just as much a part of a good creation as I am! Most importantly, I should focus on bettering my spirit rather than bettering my physical attractiveness. (1 Peter 3:3-4, Proverbs 31:30)
What's my point? What am I trying to tell you? Why does all this matter?
Many of the websites I looked at (which I have cited in this post) talked about the problem, then possible ways to fix said problem. One website claimed that beauty has little to do with it, that this was a "happiness" issue or a "stress" issue (glamour.com). Worrying about your body is just an outlet for deeper struggles. There is probably truth in that. But...
Simply knowing that God created you and intended for you to be beautiful might not be enough. But is "seeking happiness" really the solution? Surely "getting prettier" isn't--we're stuck in the bodies we got.
This takes a whole re-wiring of the brain to fix negative thoughts. This takes practice. This takes reminders. This takes writing the word "beautiful" and "wonderfully made" on the bathroom mirror in lipstick. This takes prayer. This takes mentally yelling "Stop! Shut up! You are lying!" to that voice in your head that is constantly insulting you. This takes focusing on other things, especially inner beauty. Physical exercise is good, but this is a mental exercise, and it may take a while to get your mind in shape. This is important because our body is a temple (1 Corinthians 6:19-20), but it is more important because our physical beauty isn't where our attention should be in the first place.
You are welcome to email me with any private questions. Anything else, comments or questions, leave a comment!
God bless.
P.S. Thank you Brenna for your sources, and thank you facebook friends for your input on my status.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)