Names

Names are funny and weird. Everyone has one, but they basically don't mean anything anymore.

(I am writing this post because I have nothing else to do. I am making it up as I go. Usually I plan them in my head beforehand but nope, not this time, sorry.)

When I was younger I had a top six list of names to name my children:
Evelyn
Elaine
Irene
Joy
Noel
Gloria

Yes, I know they're all girl names. I don't know if I wanted to just have six girls, or if boy names just didn't appeal to me.

Now, I have a less definite list of names that I like:
Matthias
Michael
David
Dexter
Tae

Yes, I know. All boy names. I don't know.

I have a document on my computer that I've been meticulously putting together for years. It is called "My names".
There are 47 names on that list. All of them include what the name means and what the country of origin is. Oh, and a concise list of people I know (and admire) with that name in case I decide to name one of my children after one of those people.
Since my taste in names has grown a little more normal now that I'm older, I actually have a few normal names on there. But some of the weirder ones I liked when I was a few years younger haven't undergone purging from the list yet. Here are a few examples:
Ayla
Candra
Harmony
Lorelai
Melody
Rhapsody
Unity
Zoe
Ajalon
Atticus
Bronson
Gideon
Jaron
Josiah
Lincoln
Masato

Yes I have them categorized into boy and girl names, and yes they are in alphabetical order.

Now. Since we're on the topic of names, I'm sure you're all wondering where my name came from. Because you are all so interested in these personal details about me.

My first name is Maryann, as you probably know or at least have seen/read. It's not Mary Ann or MaryAnn or Mary or Mary-anne or Mary Jane or Marion or Marilyn or Morgan or Sarah. It's Maryann. (For the record, I have been called all of those and more. The Sarah comes from that's my sister's name. She looks nothing like me, so I don't know why people get us confused.) Although I am picky about the spelling of my name, I will understand if you're confused about whether the A is capitalized, in which case it would be proper for you to write my name as MARYANN. See? All caps does tricks.

Although my name is "all one word", there are two parts to it. Mary. and Ann. I understand that and will not argue with you about it beyond spelling technicalities.

The Mary comes from my mother's mother. Her name is Mary.
The Ann comes from my father's mother. Her name was Ann.

So my name is a combination of both of my grandmothers' names. I think that's pretty cool.

The meaning for "Maryann" according to most sources is "bitter". But once, somewhere, many years ago, I saw a card with my name on it saying the meaning was "Living Fragrance." Obviously living fragrance is a lot neater than bitter, so I tell people that's what my name means. When they ask. Which is almost never.

Also, my name "peaked" in popularity in the year 1943. It was the 135th most popular name in America. In the year I was born, it was the 976th most popular name. Barely on the charts. I have an old lady name. I still like it. So deal with it.

My middle name, Kathleen, was given to me because my Dad liked it. I like it too, and it means pure. Yay!

I'm not going to tell you my last name, because this is the internet, and I'm scared of you people.

Jesus was a name given to the Messiah by God. It means "God rescues". Emmanuel means "God with us", which also refers to Jesus.

And that's how I made this entirely pointless post about Jesus.


God bless.

Dear Martin,

Dear Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.,
Thank you.
The United States of America honors you on this day. We're not there yet, but your dream is coming true. When I was in third grade, a little black girl befriended me, a little white girl. Today, some of my closest friends are black. I have even kissed a black man in public and received no scorn. I love each and every one of them as much as, if not more than, my white friends, and no one looks down on our friendships. I can therefore say that, even though I am white, my life is much different because of your influence in this country. I thank Jesus Christ for you, for putting you in this world and using you for his glory. I cannot wait to meet you someday, on the other side of the pearly gates. I love you, and thank you. God bless.
-Maryann

Guess This Warped Poem

Inspired by my friend Caroline and two cool people I met at church tonight.

Hint: This is my favorite Poem. I did not write it. Someone else did. The first person to figure out what poem it is in the comments section at the bottom gets ten points. This shouldn't be hard.

.slleb eht fo gninaorg eht dna gninaom eht oT

- slleb ,slleb ,slleB

,slleb ,slleb ,slleb ,slleb eht fO

,slleb eht fo gnillot eht oT

- slleb ,slleb ,slleb eht fO

,slleb eht fo gnillor eht oT

,emyhr cinuR yppah a nI

,sllenk ,sllenk ,sllenk eh sA

,emit ,emit ,emit gnipeeK

;slleb eht fo gnibbos eht oT

- slleb ,slleb ,slleb eht fO

,slleb eht fo gnibborht eht oT

,emyhr cinuR fo tros a nI

,emit ,emit ,emit gnipeeK

- slleb eht fO

,slleb eht fo naeap eht oT

,emyhr cinuR fo tros a nI

,emit ,emit ,emit gnipeeK

;slley eh dna ,secnad eh dnA

!slleb eht fo naeap eht htiW

sllews mosob yrrem sih dnA

!slleb eht morf naeap A

slloR

,sllor ,sllor ,sllor eh dnA

;sllot ohw si ti gnik rieht dnA

:sluohG era yehT

- namuh ron eturb rehtien era yehT

- namow ron nam rehtien era yehT

- enots a traeh namuh eht nO

gnillor os ni yrolg a leeF

,enotonom delffum taht nI

,gnillot ,gnillot ,gnillot oht dnA

,enola llA

,elpeets eht ni pu llewd taht yehT

- elpoep eht ,ha- elpoep eht dnA

.naorg a sI

staorht nihtiw tsur eht morF

staolf taht dnuos yreve roF

!enot rieht fo ecanem ylochnalem eht tA

thgirffa htiw revihs ew woH

,thgin eht fo ecnelis eht nI

!slepmoc ydonom rieht thguoht nmelos fo dlrow a tahW

!slleb norI

- slleb eht fo gnillot eht raeH

VI

!slleb eht fo rognalc eht dna romalc eht nI

- slleb ,slleb ,slleB

,slleb ,slleb ,slleb ,slleb eht fO

,slleb eht fO

- slleb eht fo regna eht ni gnillews eht ro gniknis eht yB

,sllews dna sknis regnad eht woH

,gnilgnarw eht dnA

gnilgnaj eht nI

,sllet yltcnitsid rae eht teY

;swolf dna sbbe regnad eht woH

,gnignalc eht dnA

gnignawt eht yB

,swonk ylluf ti rae eht teY

!ria gnitatiplap eht fo mosob eht nO

ruoptuo yeht rorroh a tahW

!raor dna ,hsalc dna ,gnalc yeht woH

!riapsed fO

sllet rorret rieht elat a tahW

!slleb ,slleb ,slleb eht ,hO

.noom decaf-elap eht fo edis eht yB

,reven ro tis ot won- woN

rovaedne etuloser a dnA

,erised etarepsed a htiW

,rehgih ,rehgih ,rehgih gnipaeL

,erif citnarf dna faed eht htiw noitalutsopxe dam a nI

,erif eht fo ycrem eht ot gnilaeppa suoromalc a nI

,enut fo tuO

,keirhs ,kierhs ylno can yehT

,kaeps ot deifirroh hcum ooT

!thgirffa rieht tuo maercs yeht woH

thgin fo rae deltrats eht nI

!sllet ycnelubrut rieht ,won ,rorret fo elat a tahW

!slleb nezarB

- slleb murala duol eht raeH

III

!slleb eht fo gnimihc eht dna gnimyhr eht oT

- slleb ,slleb ,slleB

,slleb ,slleb ,slleb ,slleb eht fO

,slleb ,slleb ,slleb eht fO

gnignir eht dna gnigniws eht oT

slepmi taht erutpar eht fO

sllet ti woh- !erutuF eht nO

sllewd ti woH

!sllews ti woH

!sllew ylsuonimulov ynohpue fo hsug a tahW

sllec gnidnuos eht out morf ,hO

!noom eht nO

staolg ehs elihw ,snetsil taht evod-eltrut eht oT

staolf yttid diuqil a tahW

,enut ni lla dnA

,,seton nedlog-netlom eht morF

!thgiled rieht tuo gnir yeht woH

thgin fo ria ymlab eht hguorhT

!slleterof ynomrah rieht ssenippah fo dlrow a tahW

!slleb nedloG

- slleb gniddew wollem eht raeH

II

.slleb eht fo gnilknit eht dna gnilgnij eht morF

- slleb ,slleb ,slleB

,slleb ,slleb ,slleb ,slleb eht morF

sllew yllacisum os taht noitalubannitnit eht oT

,emyhr cinuR fo tros a nI

,emit ,emit ,emit gnipeeK

;thgiled enillatsyrc a htiW

elkniwt ot mees snevaeh eht llA

elknirpsrevo taht srats eht elihW

!thgin fo ria yci eht nI

,elknit ,elknit ,elknit yeht woH

!slleterof ydolem rieht tnemirrem fo dlrow a tahW

!slleb revliS

- slleb eht htiw segdels eht raeH

I

God bless.

Fearful Confessions

"But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair." -Relient K

I'm a sinner. There. I said it. I do stuff wrong. I do stuff wrong a lot, actually. And sometimes the stuff I do wrong, never goes anywhere. It sits in my heart, clogging it up, being all sneaky and secretive and evil.

This happened to me recently. A sin I have been harboring in my heart for a long time finally found its way out in a text message to my good friend, Amber. It was when I woke up in the morning, and I was lying in bed, thinking, and I knew I couldn't get out of bed until I told her. It was so hard. I probably should have said it in person, but honestly I don't know if I'd been able to. She responded with the love of Christ, not judging me but telling me she would pray for me and be here for me if I needed to talk.

But that was only step one.

James 5:16 "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed."

I went to my church tonight, and one of the themes was fear. Which is scary to talk about. (Ironic, right? Or perhaps not so ironic...) After the sermon, Jenny got up and was like, this is what we're doing for confession. You all have fears. And we don't usually tell the whole world what those fears are. We keep it to ourselves, right? We don't put it on a name tag for everyone to see. But tonight that's just what we're going to do.

We proceeded to pass around name tags and pens. I was terrified of putting ink on paper one of my biggest fears, that is, kissing this particular sin goodbye. The fear of confessing my sin was almost worse than the fear of the sin itself. Anyone there who was literate could see my sin, stuck to my shirt. I tried to hold my head high. People were about to judge me...

I did not feel judged. Why should this surprise me? I was in the most non-judgmental place on the planet. The second-closest place I felt to Heaven while still on planet Earth. No one said anything. No one comforted me because they all had their sins and fears stuck to their shirts too. But when I met their eyes, I did not see judgment, I saw love. Understanding. I knew that some of the people who had read mine were praying for me.

I read some other people's. "I'm not good enough." "I'm afraid I'm going to lose my best friend." "Will I ever fall in love?" Uncertainty rang throughout the room. But there was also certainty. Certainty that we could trust each other with these things. Certainty that Jesus would forgive us and take care of us and continue to love us with that unfathomable love.

When we went up for communion, we stuck our name tag sins and fears on the wooden cross that was propped up. They were gone. We are forgiven. Jesus is going to worry about it for us from now on.

It was amazing. People knew my secret, and I felt a little lighter. The devil will not win this battle against me. Not when I have Jesus on my side.

I'm not going to publish here on my blog this sin, this secret. But before you call me a hypocrite, let me just say that I really would rather the spiritual matters of my heart be shared with only fellow Christians, and unfortunately there is a pretty low chance that the only people reading my blog are Christ-followers. This is the internet. I don't mean to be exclusive, but I intend to keep such things on a personal level.

That being said, if you are a Christian, or even if you're not, and you have a sin or anything really that you'd like to get off your chest, I'd encourage you to do so. If you're feeling particularly bold, you can even email me at bennettmk@earthlink.net and I promise not to judge you.

At a different church that I went to this morning, the pastor talked about relationships. How loneliness is not good for people, and that we need each other, as well as Jesus (we have "loneliness for God".) I know it might not be easy, but opening up, confessing sins, griefs, struggles, fears, etc. to one another is surprisingly healing. Difficult as it may be, you need to share your heart with people, to be vulnerable, to trust, even if with just a few very close friends. God made us relational beings for a reason. Reach out and be reached out to. Love. It'll be okay.


God bless.

How To Run

I DID IT!
After a good 11 or 12 weeks, tonight I reached my goal of running 3 miles (or the approximate equivalent of 5 kilometers, for my plethora of foreign readers).

I have a few people to thank:
Jesus Christ, who was my strength, and a huge encouragement, especially on my solitary runs.
My mother, for being truly inspirational in her running (and life) accomplishments. If I had to pick one person I would want to be like (besides Jesus, obviously), it would be her.
Gavin, who finally got me motivated enough to start this thing again.

So now, as an accomplished "athlete" (heehee), I hereby take it upon myself to help you to follow in my footsteps of healthy living.

A. Body
- Two legs, attached to which are two feet. This is the main mode of transportation.
- At least one lung, because you will find that you will desperately need it/them.
- Eyes, to see where you're going so you don't run into a lake or giant whole, or into a tree.
- A brain, because you really need something to keep you occupied while you run.
- A stomach. Which leads us to our next section...

B. Nutrition
- Water is very important, because if you don't drink it you will have cramps and a dry mouth and you will feel like death.
- Healthy food, because too much sugar before you run feels like vomit.
- Muscle Milk, because after you run and you drink it, you feel like a superhero, and also because the nutrition facts will blow your mind with goodness. And it is delicious. But only buy it with your flex dollars, because it is too expensive for real money.

C. Plan
- Start with a long-term goal and a short-term goal. But, as my mom always said, "Know Your Body." If you feel like keeling over, it's okay to walk for a while even if that was not part of your short-term goal. Also, From Couch to 5K is a 9-week program, and it took me more like 12 weeks to complete it. But the thing that matters is that I reached my goal. (This step was a huge thing for me, because I am not a goal-setter. At all. I float through life because I really just don't know how to set goals. I can't say "Okay, all straight A's this semester!" and then just do it. So I try my best and whatever happens in the end works for me. This is not how you should go about running. Set goals.)
-Plan to make the final stretch of your run a sprint. You will feel more accomplished when you finished, and also your endorphins are all like PING PING PING and your brain feels like a pinball machine and life is temporarily purely wonderful.

D. Spirituality
- "Dear Jesus, don't let me throw up."
- "Dear Jesus, I would feel so much better if I threw up now..."
- "Dear Jesus, please just get me through this next lap."
- "Dear Jesus, please send someone to help me if I pass out with exhaustion."
- "Dear Jesus, please don't let the creepy old man walking laps on the track rape me."
- "Dear Jesus, why am I doing this again?"
- "Dear Jesus, THANK YOU. We did it!"

So, if you have these things, you are ready to begin a life of running bliss. It is painful at times, but in the long run feels a heck of a lot better than sitting on your butt forever.

Why I choose to do it: 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body..."


God bless

How Do You Know I'm Saved?

I got the idea for this post during finals week, when I didn't have time to write it. I am finally getting around to it, you're welcome.

My concern is for people that think they're saved.

Matthew 7:21-23 "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'"

I've met several, maybe even "lots" of people who have said, Yes, I'm a Christian... but they have no idea what that means. Way too many people think that "Christian" is a person's religion, determined by whether or not they go to church (as opposed to the synagogue or mosque or none of the above). No. It's more than that. Just because you know the story of Jesus doesn't mean you accept it. It doesn't mean you believe it. It doesn't mean you apply it to your life. 

I remember being in elementary school when my friend asked me on the playground, "Are you Christian or Catholic?" I was baffled, because I thought Catholicism was a form of Christianity. I feel I was unsuccessful in explaining the word "denomination" to my friend when I told her I was Christian, but I was also Lutheran...as opposed to Catholic. 

Unfortunately not many people, even adults, are much more educated than my friend from elementary school. 

When I was a freshman in high school, I started dating this "Christian" guy. He's great, had/has a great set of morals and likes to keep the peace. He likes to smile and wouldn't hurt a fly. But whenever we talked about religion (which wasn't often), I took him at his word about his being a christian. His facebook religious views still say "Catholic", but I've learned from mutual genuine Christian friends that he really doesn't know what he believes, that he doesn't have a personal relationship with Jesus. Truly, I continue a friendship with him and still rarely, if ever, hear him talk about or mention God. A true Christian wouldn't be so detached from their faith, especially around someone else (me) they knew was a Christian. I don't think he was/is lying, I just think he was/is ignorant, although I have come across people that did lie to me about their faith...

I remember a year or two ago, I was talking with a friend who said he was a Christian, and I took him at his word as well. I asked him to pray for me several times, and since he was clearly living a "good" life, I praised him for his faith on multiple occasions. However, unlike the first guy I mentioned, I finally got the brilliant idea to ask him what his faith meant to him. To my amazement, I discovered that he had no relationship, or even genuine interest, in the man called Jesus, and that his only connection with Christianity was that his family used to go to church, and that he agreed with the morals in the Bible (which he never read). In a long, drawn out, and very gentle response to that, I told him that I thought his Christianity was not genuine, and that given he doesn't know what he really believes, he was more or less agnostic. He now has as his religious views on facebook, "Agnostic is about the best description right now." Interesting...

I think it's important for everyone, whether you're Christian or not, to analyze their faith. If you haven't really thought about it, you're doing it wrong. If you haven't questioned God, or his existence, or his character, you're doing it wrong. If you think religion is enough, you're doing it wrong. If you're settling for whatever your parents say and not making any of it personal for you, you're doing it wrong.

So, I'm a Christian. But how do you know I mean it? Do you dare ask me?

What do you believe? Do you dare ask yourself? Are you afraid of doubt? Don't be. Ask.

I truly believe that Jesus is the Savior of this world, but I'm not going to try to force you to believe that. However, I want to offer you this opportunity to email me at bennettmk@earthlink.net in case you're wondering what I think Christianity is, or talk to me about your spiritual journey, or even how you can accept Jesus as your personal Savior. Obviously that's a big step, but whatever you want to talk about, here's my email address. Have at it.

That's all.

God bless.

Stereotypes Are Bad: Dreadlocks (and other facts-about-me)

Hi, my name is Maryann. I'm white, I'm American, I'm a female, I'm in college, and I have dreadlocks. Many of you already know these facts.

Presumed Stereotype Before Dreads:
• Goody two-shoes
• Straight-A student
• Barbie-ish
• Boring
• Doesn't understand real life

Presumed Stereotype After Dreads:
• Smokes pot
• Dirty and smelly and trashy
• Undesirable/unsexy
• Liberal, hippie (or is it hippy?)
• Strange lifestyle, i.e. pagan or vegan or something else ending in -gan
• Complete wannabe
• Lesbian
(I believe that this website, where I got the idea for this post and which includes many of these stereotypes, is made up of nothing but white males)


Uhhh, so I have something to say about this. But I have to start with the fact that I love my dreads.

I recently had a revelation about myself: I like to be different. A lot of people I know probably knew this about me a long time ago, but I am just now realizing it. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I don't like to shock people, but I like to throw them off a little. I like to make them question stereotypes. For example, I grew up in the suburbs/almost city, but I drive a pick-up truck. I am raising a bamboo plant in my dorm room; who knew? I play a pretty weird instrument (how many non-musicians here know what a bassoon is?). I love fire (earlier today I burned a piece of tape to see what would happen and it made Gavin panic). I'm dangerous because I carry pepper spray around with me after dark. I still wear high heels when I dress up even though they're out of style and I love long skirts (okay, that one's not a very big deal). I want to learn sign language, not spanish (that's just kind of illogical, really). I had cornrows once (they looked bad). Oh, and I don't like stuffed animals (at least, I don't like owning them). For goodness sake, my name is Maryann. How weird is that (for someone my age, anyway)? I could think of more strange facts-about-me, but I'm not going to.

The point is that none of these things are going to shock you, but maybe some of them will make you say, "Really? You do?"

One of my best friend's roommates (Amber being the friend, Madison being her roommate) recently commented on how the way I dress conflicts with my hairstyle. I don't wear drug-rugs or anything like that. I like to keep it classy when I can afford it, and still nice-ish when I can't. (Don't quote me on this when you see me stumble into class in sweatpants and a hoodie, please...) but still. It's a style thing. I like to look nice. Sometimes I even wear makeup. Sometimes. Makeup a subject for another day.

To quote my latest facebook status, "[The contrast between the way I dress and my hairstyle] confuses people and makes them think twice about who I really am--and proves to them that they don't really know me until they know me."

I guess that's what it boils down to. Jesus knows me, and I can't think anyone else who really, truly does.  Deep down I'm someone else and try as I might to truly be myself, it's very difficult. I mean, right? Who, of the people reading this, can honestly say they always act like themselves? No one. Because how you act depends on the situation you're in, who you're around, what mood you're in, etc. You act one way even when, on the inside, you're someone else. Some people act radically different than their true selves, others are only slightly off. But no one is dead-on. There's no way to convey that inner-self. No one can see inside you except yourself and God. No one else understands your heart. You're sort of on your own, that is, if you don't have a relationship with you-know-who. By the way, yes, I'm a christian. Did I just burst another stereotype? Uh-oh.

My point is this: Why are you stereotyping me? I don't smoke pot and I do wash my hair. I do understand life and I'm not really a liberal. (If you're really wondering, you could call me moderate-conservative, but I would advise you not to put me anywhere on the political spectrum, partly because I base my beliefs off my faith, partly because I'm uninformed and don't know what I'm talking about, and partly because I'm indecisive.)

If I would stop going off on tangents, maybe I could actually manage to wrap this thing up.

I take showers and I love my hair and I probably am a goody two-shoes anyway but just don't want to admit it. So just get to know me instead of jumping to conclusions. There. I'm done. Goodnight.

God bless.