Weekend at Camp

I spent most of this past weekend at Lutheran Memorial Camp. Saturday was probably the best day of my life ever.

I woke up precisely at 5:00 a.m. Saturday morning, made oatmeal, packed, and Patrick faithfully came to pick me up. It was still really dark outside, but we had a really good conversation. Talking to him is like eating a brand new flavor of ice cream. You know something in it will catch your interest and you'll say, "oh, what a curious flavor!" and it will be splendidly tasty and you'll want to eat every last bit of it.

When we first got there, the sun was just barely beginning to rise, and the air was cool, and the many birds were singing, and the earth smelled fresh. Getting out of stuffy Columbus and stepping into the-middle-of-nowhere nature was, both literally and figuratively, a breath of fresh air.

The retreat was a confirmation retreat for middle schoolers. There were somewhere between 150-200 people there for the retreat. (That's a lot.)

I went through the day helping out with worship and co-leading a bible study. All those kids are so special, but one in particular really stuck out to me. I'm not sure if this is the correct spelling, but her name was Michaela. Now that I think about it, theres roughly a thousand different ways to spell that name. Oh well. Anyway, Michaela stood out because of her height. She was significantly shorter than everyone else. She looked much younger than she was because of it. She was also a little overweight. I found out later that she had a disorder that was keeping her from producing a certain growth hormone that normal people use to get taller. This is also what caused her to weigh a little more. Most of her excess weight was just water storage under the skin. She spoke about her condition openly and unafraid of ridicule. She also talked without shame about being bullied at school. Not only that, but she confidently answered questions in Bible study and clearly had already put a lot of thought into her faith and the topics we were discussing. Her confidence and wisdom not only surprised me, but amazed me. How can someone who clearly looks different and is bullied be so confident and out-spoken? I know that for me, I've always struggled with confidence and the ability to speak out, especially in middle school. But I was never really bullied much or anything, and I've never had a disorder that physically sets me apart from my peers. Does she have something special, or am I and the rest of us just not quite getting it?

Another thing that amazed me that weekend was my level of energy. Not having gotten much sleep Friday night, I was worried that I would be drained and fatigued on Saturday when I was supposed to be at least somewhat energetic and enthusiastic. Much to my surprise and delight, I had energy in abundance that lasted the entire day. It wasn't obnoxious, hyper, suger-high-ish energy either, which I hate; it was legitimate energy. At one point I found myself in the lobby of the lodge while the kids trudged through trying to get to lunch or dinner. I was over on the other side of the couches, and Nathan and Caroline were standing there. Nathan was playing a song on his guitar and the three of us were singing, and Caroline and I were dancing. I honestly don't think I've ever danced crazier or with more energy in my life. I probably looked like a crazyperson. Correction: I know I looked like a crazyperson.  I knew the middle schoolers were probably staring at me, but I didn't bother to see if they were laughing or just staring. I just felt so happy and joyous to be there singing to God with all these people I love around me that I couldn't help but throw all my energy into dancing for him. But even after that, God did not let my energy run thin. He kept me going strong until I crashed in bed at 11:30 that night.

Yet another thing that amazed me was God's beauty and perfect timing (I've been thinking an awful lot about God's perfect timing lately. It keeps coming into play and it's kind of freaky). I could tell you all about the flowers that were growing in the bleakness of the end of a long winter, or the awesome way you could see right through the leafless tress to way into the woods, or the smiles on all the kid's faces, but I really want to focus in on an incredible moment I had with God. I was sitting on the porch of the lodge handing out snack to the kids before campfire, and it was starting to get dark, when David came up to me and asked if I would trade him places and take Nathan and Kaitlyn, who were supposed to be building the fire, some paper as fire starters. So I went down as quickly as I could without tripping over a rock or root in the dark and killing myself. Then, on my way back up, I paused on the bridge. Nathan and Kaitlyn were beyond my range of sight in that dark, and everyone else was too far up to see me. I heard the sound of the creek tumbling and bubbling along, and I tucked my hood, which was over my head keeping me warm, behind my ears so I could hear better. I probably looked dumb but it didn't matter. I would listen to the music of the water, then walk a few steps further or to the other side of the bridge and the sounds would change based on where I stood, and so the music flowed like a symphony. It was beautiful. I stood there and looked up and saw the tops of the trees and the many stars in the sky (you can see so many more stars out there than you can in the city) and the huge moon and was just overwhelmed by God's goodness and beauty. I started sobbing. It was ridiculous. I was drowning in love. God's beauty surrounded me. He was right there beside me, listening and looking with me. And then, of course, I suddenly felt lonely. Who was there to share this beautiful moment with me? If only... At that point one name resounded in my ears: Zach. And just as his name crossed my mind and I wished desperately that he could be with me in that beautiful moment, a startlingly large bird flew up out of nowhere, and flew right over my head (I bent around to watch it). It did not flap its wings, instead, it silently soared just above me with its vast outspread wings. Its silhouette was black against the sky that was lit up by the brightness of the moon. After it flew over me, I watched it fly away and quickly disappear. It was a moment that truly took my breath away. I wish I could better describe the wonder and awe held in those few seconds. But at that moment, my heart worshiped my beautiful Jesus. I couldn't get enough of him. He has been so faithful and good. To my right was the beauty of all the children wanting to know more about Jesus. To my left was the beauty of young romantic love. Behind me was the beauty of the outdoor chapel and the symbol of worship. Above me was beauty of the enormous lit-up-in-the-night sky. Below me was the beauty of the music of water. In front of me was the woods spread out, filled with life. I was literally surrounded with beauty. I then realized that I should probably stop crying and go about my duties as a counselor, but I didn't want to. Eventually I did walk away. When I approached the large group of people, I realized my hood was still tucked behind my ears and that I probably looked ridiculous. It was kind of funny. The first person I talked to when I got back told me that that very night there was a "super moon," which means that the moon is not only a full moon, but a perigee moon, resulting in the biggest, brightest moon we've seen in almost twenty years. What timing! I was filled with wonder and awe, once again, at God's beauty and perfect timing. No wonder the moon looked so spectacular. Later that night, my new friend Betsy and I were observing how the moon cast shadows through the woods with the trees. The ground was so bright from the moon, that the contrast of light was pretty significant and amazing. Shadows from the sun is one thing, shadows from the moon is another thing entirely.

God is truly beautiful. I love him with all my heart.

After campfire we had "spirit worship," also really special. I was technically available for any of the kids if they wanted me to pray for them, but I was also kind of in my own little world. Just singing of my love for Jesus and stuff. At one point we started singing "Blessed be your Name" and I got up and kind of went into the shadows (it was already pretty dark in there) and faced away from everyone else so I could sing just to God. I was getting really into it. I don't know who noticed me back there, but I guess it doesn't really matter. I just felt so in love with the God that was there for me and with me in my highest of highs and my lowest of lows. That's what that song's about, basically. It was really awesome.

Saturday felt like it lasted forever. I wish it could have, but my the time I went to bed, morning felt like ages ago. I wish I could tell you every detail, and accurately describe every emotion, from this weekend, but I can't, and this post is already getting pretty lengthy. I had a fabulous day on Sunday as well, in case you were wondering.

I guess to wrap up... I hope all of you who know Jesus experience something like this. I'm sure you will at some point. And for those of you who don't know Jesus, well, I hope the same thing for you. It's truly remarkable.

God bless.