Alone

I’m about nine months into a year-long commitment of no dating. Here’s where I am in my journey, although I wonder if I'd be in the same place regardless of my commitment.

I had learned to be alone

And I had learned to be okay

With hating it.

I go to work.

I do my job.

I come home.

I make dinner for myself.

I fall asleep in a cold twin bed.

Go to work alone.

Come home alone.

Go to bed alone.

Work.

Home.

Bed.

Alone.

Alone.

Alone.

Yesterday, I did not go to work.

Yesterday was a Sunday.

Yesterday, I went to Chipotle.

Alone, of course.

I sat at a table with three other

Empty seats.

I munched my burrito.

People held hands.

People pushed strollers.

People were forced to speak to one another

In glum bondage and acceptance.

My eyes lifted and my mouth

Twitched at the corners.

I didn’t have to share my thoughts.

They were mine.

I didn’t have to share my time.

It was mine.

I had no one to report back to,

My itinerary a secret.

No one except maybe God,

Who was gracious enough

To keep quiet.

I was beautifully,

Peacefully,

Miraculously

Alone.

God bless.