Amazing Grace

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now and found, Was blind but now I see.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear The hour I first believed

Through many dangers, toils, and snares I have already come
'Twas grace that brought me safe thus far, And grace will lead me home.

When we've been there ten thousand years, Bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing God's praise Than when we first begun.

My God has promised good to me, Whose word my hope secures;
God will my shield and portion be As long as life endures.

I don't think this traditional old hymn gets the credit it deserves. I've heard many people, even strong christians, say they don't like the hymn because it's overused and they're tired of it, or they plain just don't like it. I think the reason it's used so much, though, is because of its beautiful and profound meaning that should be taken into account every time it is uttered.

It was written by a man named John Newton who led a sinful life as a sailor in the slave trade. Yet he, at some point, found Jesus and quit the slave trade to study theology. Apparently he was a pretty good poet, too, if he could write something like this. Have those of you who are christians really thought about or understood how truly amazing and remarkable your grace is? "Amazing grace" is practically an understatement. It's pretty darn amazing.
Because I don't have a clear conversion moment (I apparently asked Jesus to "come into my heart" when I was two years old and my faith has taken some interesting turns, for both the good and the bad, since then), the second line of the second verse, "How precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed" is, to some extent, lost on me. I almost wish I had experienced a moment in my life (that I can remember) when I was unsaved one minute and saved the next. When I took the step to ask Jesus to be my personal Lord and Savior. That would have been a truly remarkable experience. However, I'm also pretty grateful that I've had the Holy Spirit dwelling in me since my baptism at a month and a half old, and been a born-again christian since the budding age of two, before I can even remember. Perhaps I've always had an older mind than my body.

And yet, does that make the grace given to me any less amazing? Absolutely not. Sometimes I imagine my life without Jesus. I've been thinking about it a lot as of late, actually. When I imagine my life without my Savior, I feel like there would be a huge, empty void inside of me. So much of my Jesus fills me up and brings me light. I can imagine myself still going to school but pouring all my life into my music until I go practically crazy, and not studying psychology like I am now, and probably not going to Capital University. I would be incredibly lonely and falling into a depression every time I felt insufficient in my music or anything else.
I can also picture myself not in college at all. I don't know if I'd be living at home or somehow struggling by on my own. But God pushed me to come be at this place and I don't know if I would have tried hard at all if not for him.
I can also picture myself in a losing battle with anorexia. Surprised? I've struggled with this before, for a brief time at the beginning of high school. I kept track of everything I ate because I thought I was fat (I wasn't) and sometimes lied to get out of eating dinner. I would beat myself up at the end of a day if, when I was writing down what I'd eaten, I thought I'd eaten too much. I was hungry a lot and I welcomed that hunger. I felt better when my stomach rumbled. I was terrified that it would turn into actual anorexia, which I knew was wrong. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn't help it, and it was God who pulled me out of that when I prayed for healing. It was God who kept me from losing my body. I've eaten pretty normally ever since then. But if not for God...
I can also picture myself with a child of my own. Unwed? Oh yes. It's pretty likely. Giving into fleshly passions is a weakness of mine and it is Jesus who guides me out of situations that could be tempting for me. If not for Jesus, I probably would have given into those passions and found myself in a real pickle and eventually a big belly. And I would have gotten all upset that some idiot "broke my heart".
Other than that, who knows where I'd be? I don't know if I'd be religious at all, if I'd attend church because I thought that I should because I was expected to but stop going completely once I got to college. I don't know if I'd be atheist or agnostic or I'd be lured into some other religion or cult, or if I wouldn't think much about my soul or God at all. If it'd be something I'd just ignore. The one thing I know for sure, though, is that if not for Jesus, I would be empty inside. I would have little or nothing to live for. Maybe I'd have killed myself by now. Depression is bad enough when I have a Savior carrying me along the way. I can't imagine how hard it would be if I was walking that path alone. I'd have a void. I would be stumbling through the darkness, hopeless...

This is why grace is so amazing.

Because of grace, I'm going to Heaven. I have hope. I have joy. I have peace. I have love.

Heaven is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I've been thinking about how wonderful it must be. Every person I've met lately who I know is a christian, I've thought, "I get to see them in Heaven. I'll get to be with them forever. If I never see them again in this life, I will see them forever in the next one." Because of Heaven, my hope is for every non-christian I know to find salvation, because I really, really want to spend eternity in paradise with them, too. I also am super excited to see people that I love again who have died, and to meet people that died before I was around, all the way from King David to Martin Luther to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. to Mother Teresa to Jesus' apostles to martyrs in cultures distant from my own, to the founding fathers of my beloved nation. All these people I'll meet someday and many, many more, and I really, truly can't wait. I'm so excited!

Not to mention eternity with Jesus, the love of my life, the light in my world, the hope of my future, the truth amidst the lies, the King that I worship, my best friend that holds my hand, the one that saved my life because he loved me despite my many failings. Yeah, him. In his presence forever. I will see him face to face. If that's not the most amazing thing I've ever heard, I don't know what is. I certainly have grace to thank, but even more than that, I have love to thank.

Going back to the song "Amazing Grace," I have really been focusing in on the fourth verse this past weekend. The verse is preluded by "grace will lead me home" in the third. As you may have caught onto, "home" in this context is Heaven. I can't wait to go home. The fourth verse, I'll remind you, goes like this: "When we've been there [Heaven] ten thousand years, Bright shining as the sun, We've no less days to sing God's praise, than when we first begun." It kind of blows my mind, the fact that Heaven is forever. Forever is just...pretty much impossible to imagine, period. This whole line kind of blows my mind, actually. Too bad I can't really describe how it makes me feel. If it doesn't blow your mind too, well, I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry...

For those of you who are believers, just remember that Heaven is coming soon enough. Live your life to please our Jesus and you will be rewarded in Heaven, and whenever you're in danger or a sticky situation or going through a rough time, just remember that it's temporary and soon you'll be in paradise and never have to worry about anything ever again.

For those of you who are nonbelievers, I hope you want what I have: amazing grace.

God bless you all.