Prom

Some of you may know that tonight is the night of my high school's prom. (I am a freshman in college so you would think that this event wouldn't affect me much, but it does.)

Some of you may also know that my ex-boyfriend is still in high school. He is going to prom. With a girl.

And I'm upset.

Even though, if I love him like I say I do, I will be like, "Whatever makes you happy, dude." Or, that's what most people would say.

What I really want is what's best for him. Because I do love him. A lot. This chick might make him happy, even though he insists they're just going as friends (I'm not so sure), but I don't care. If she's what's best for him, then good. So be it. They can run off and get married. That's what I want. But if it's not what's best for him, screw his happiness. I don't care how "happy" he is if it's bad for him.

To take it a step further, I also put what's best for him above my happiness. I know that sounds crazy. But I love him. And when you're in love you do crazy things.
That's why I'm not talking to him. He needs his space and time, but I miss him so much and I miss my best friend and I am dying to get back in contact with him. It's awful. But he needs this and that's what's more important.

It's a time of restoration, I guess.

I hope he learns whatever he needs to learn tonight, whether he has a marvelous time or an awful time, as long as he learns what  God wants him to learn.

I'm still a little jealous of this chick though.

Maybe I am more selfish than I claim to be. Actually, I know I am. Even after all that, I still wish I was the one he was taking to prom tonight.

I need to get out of this town.

Thanks for letting me vent, guys. I haven't had the perfect love story, I know that for sure, but if any of you need someone to vent to, or even some advice, I want to be here for you. Relationships are hard. Feel free to email me at bennettmk@earthlink.net. For those of you that don't know me, just because I'm on the internet doesn't mean I'm not accessible. I can still love you. I still want the chance to care about you.

God bless.