How to Play the Bassoon

I was going to write a serious, thoughtful post, but came up with this instead:

Some of you may know that I play the bassoon. Some of you may not know that I play the bassoon. I play the bassoon. Now you know.
Here is a picture of me playing my bassoon:

At the end of this post, you will be able to play bassoon too, or your money back, guaranteed. Ready? Let's go!


1. What is a bassoon?
The bassoon is a large, magical, double-reeded musical instrument made out of wood and metal. It looks like this:

Clearly it is wonderful. But because of its many keys, it can be difficult to learn. But don't let that discourage you! I am not a talented human being, yet I learned how to play one when I was twelve years old. (I am currently almost 19. You do the math to find out how long I have been playing. It is not a very difficult problem.)

2. Music for the bassoon

The bassoon plays low notes, which means it reads the bass clef. To learn how to read music, find another blog that will teach you how. If you can already read music, but are not familiar with the bass clef, just know that the top line is the A below middle C and go from there.

The bassoon can also play high notes due to its range of about 3 1/2 octaves. Daunting, I know, but you don't have to learn all those notes at once.

Although the bassoon plays mostly classical music, it can also play other kinds of music. I'm not exactly sure what those kinds may be, but I know that one of them is ragtime, because I once played ragtime on my bassoon. Please explore this field of genres for bassoon, for I have not.

3. Emotional Preparation

Playing the bassoon can be emotionally draining. Some people may mock you. They will say you play a "farting bedpost" or worse. Be strong. It will be okay. Someday they will find out that you play the bassoon like a boss and they play the trumpet or violin like a sad person. You are not better than them. But you play a better instrument.

You may also become frustrated by the difficulty of playing the bassoon. Chin up! Perseverance is key. When you cry, just find a friend who will pat you on the back and say things like "there, there" to you. Then you will know that everything will be fine. It's just that simple!

4. The reed

Reeds share about half the importance of the bassoon itself. This is a picture of one close-up:

Take care of your reed. Nurture it. Fight the urge to destroy it, and you will prosper.

5. Holding the bassoon

First you have to pick up the bassoon.

I don't know where this picture is from, but I found it on Google and I can tell you that, although it may seem correct, it is indeed not the correct way to hold a bassoon:

Here is the actual correct way to hold a bassoon. Be like this cool man.

As you can see, it is best to sit in a chair when you are playing the bassoon. Once you have mastered holding a bassoon, you are ready to play.

6. When you feel as though you are fully prepared to play the bassoon, this is what you should do. Put the reed, which is attached to the bassoon, into your mouth. Blow air into it with your lungs. Wiggle your fingers at the same time.

Congratulations! Now you can play the bassoon. Here is your prize: